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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27170509">Supernova</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/'>Anonymous</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Begrudgingly Nursing Your Enemy Back to Health, Canon-Typical Violence, Dubious Consent Due To Identity Issues, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Slow Burn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 01:27:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>30,792</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27170509</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>There was no one to witness the transporter as it flamed across the sky, trailing a fiery plume of superheated air and flanked by thick puffs of black smoke...</p><p>A mission goes wrong, and an injured Finn finds himself trapped with Kylo Ren on a desert planet with a dying sun.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Finn/Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>70</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Anonymous</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Crash Landing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So I haven’t thought about these movies since TFA came out - I was obsessed then. Been watching the other movies in the…”y’know,” and I was disappointed to say the least. Just because there was so much to do with Finn and he was absolutely sidelined. Seriously WTF. Anyways, it did make me want to come back and write about Finn, especially as a foil to Kylo Ren (which he was). This is a Kylo/Finn story in many ways (sometimes explicitly, be mindful of the tags and warnings!), but in some ways it’s more of a character study of Finn. It takes place after the events of TFA but before the other films. I have most of this actually written out so it will be posted piece-meal as I re-read it (written in a late night frenzy). Posting anon (hope this works) because I am not sure how I feel about this.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The night sky on this planet was the color of ink, barren and dark, apart from the three-quarter moon. It loomed high and proud in the sky, projecting a muted ghostly glow across the desert landscape. </p><p>Finn sat beside a small fire and nursed it. It was deathly silent - something he thought he’d be grateful for after the chaos - but on most nights, it put a chill in him that he didn’t think would go away even if he were consumed by the fire before him. Still, he stood guard each night like a sentinel. </p><p>Sleep had become an exotic concept to him. Some nights, it was only the sheer terror of being hunted for sport, by something or someone more adapted to the terrain and able-bodied than him, that kept him awake. He had no way of knowing for sure that they were truly alone outside the stillness of the night. The life-form scanner, like everything else, didn’t fare well in the crash. He’d been able to collect a few intact energy cells by cannibalizing the wreckage, and slowly, he’d been working to repair the broken scanner and build a converter for the energy cells. It was one of the many things he'd been working on since the crash.</p><p>The flame whipped. The light was a comfort, under the looming darkness of that sky. They didn’t hadn’t planned to land on this planet, hadn’t even planned to stop anywhere near this area of space. It was a tiny dot on most maps, if it managed to even make it onto the map at all, an obscure fly-by planet in the mouth of the Unknown Regions. </p><p>Tiny, obscure, and no one would miss it if it disappeared but its existence was the one thing that had saved them. </p><p>In the aftermath of the destruction of Starkiller Base, they’d gotten new intel from their First Order spy on the whereabouts of the Knights of Ren. They were still lurking in the Unknown Regions, just several lightyears away from the former base, on a planet that was also once considered holy by the Jedi. It was the perfect time to strike again and deliver the finishing blow. The First Order was injured, weak, and disconcerted. The Resistance could rebound faster than their massive bureaucracy. It was now or never, Poe insisted, but General Organa wanted to wait until Rey was back from Ahch-To, after she’d learned what she needed to from Luke. Finn had learned first hand the might of the Force in his battle with Kylo Ren and agreed. </p><p>They should have waited for Rey but Poe was insistent. </p><p>They should have waited for Rey.</p><p>A fleet of X-wing starfighters were destroyed. Most of the Knights of Ren escaped. Two were presumed to be dead, their bodies somewhere under the destruction that sieged the battlefield. </p><p>The only thing they had to show for their mission was Kylo Ren. A noteworthy accomplishment on paper, but it had taken dozens of lives and Finn wondered as he saw the X-wings go down, one-by-one, if Kylo Ren was worth all of this. And when it came down to it, when Finn and Kylo were face-to-face again, the scar on his back burning at the memory of its birth, it was luck that delivered the decisive blow rather than any skill of his own.</p><p>When Kylo Ren went down, Resistance fighters, armed with shock collars and tranquilizers said to be able to immobilize Force users long enough to transport them, swooped in. Poe had run to him, beaming with the light of pride in his eyes, and embraced him tightly. Finn couldn’t deny his happiness but something, even in that moment, told him it was too soon to celebrate. </p><p>They’d arranged to return in a cargo transporter to avoid suspicion. Departure had been flawless, and they'd anticipated a leisurely trip back to the Resistance base with enough tranquilizers to keep the Force user sedated. They were deep in the Unknown Regions, far from the former site of Starkiller Base, but still buzzing with First Order activity. </p><p>Word travelled fast. </p><p>They were less than 10 hours out when they'd picked up a sensor blip coming up fast behind them. The scan had shown an unclassified starship but the long, excited whistle from Poe when Finn projected the image of their combatant onto the screen let him know it wouldn’t stay unclassified for long. </p><p>A Firespray-31-class attack craft: small and agile and customized to be as deadly as possible. </p><p>A bounty hunter.</p><p>It wasn’t too surprising in the moment or in retrospect. This part of the Unknown Regions was ripe for bounty hunter activity - hijackings, kidnap for ransom, piracy. It was business as usual around there - there were always spies, informers and people looking to make a quick buck everywhere. Information travels faster than light and money travels even faster. And there were a lot of people who wanted to get their hands on Kylo Ren. Delivering him, dead or alive, could make a person very rich. </p><p>But the cargo ship wasn’t built to fight. It was barely built to defend itself - it was so old, so rusted and so dingy that even a pirate wouldn’t bother to attack it except out of boredom. Poe brought the engines up to full power and they'd run, as hard and as fast as possible, on an evasive course toward the edge of the Unknown Regions, towards the Outer Rim. They'd almost reached it when the Firespray, fed up with the chase, opened fire. Poe managed to maneuver in time but the ship jolted as the shot grazed them. They tried to fight back but the transporter only had low-powered weaponry and shields designed to protect against space debris, not a starfighter. </p><p>They never really had a chance.</p><p>They dodged and counter-attacked just long enough for them to reach the fringes of the Outer Rim. There was a meteor field in the area, thick with cosmic dust that provided much needed coverage, and low-level ionic interference. That was when Poe had worked his pilot's magic. He'd flown under and over, through and around the swirls of gas and dust. Then, confident that he’d scrambled their whereabouts sufficiently, he'd powered down to eliminate the noise. The interference was affecting their scanners, so they'd sat silently, straining to listen, while the Firespray searched. </p><p>There was nervous tension on Poe’s face in the time they sat there, defenseless. Finn knew he had already thought of all the ways they could be caught. He just hoped the bounty hunter wasn’t a good enough pilot to figure out, too. </p><p>It was somewhere between their small celebration at the bounty hunter’s surrender and just before the first alarm went off that they noticed the fuel leak. That first shot had done more than graze their hull, and suddenly their situation became dire. Finn had quickly reviewed the map they had of the region and found the planet, nothing known of it except for the fact it could sustain humanoid life. That’s all they really needed right now. Poe set a course as efficiently as he could; they wouldn’t have enough fuel for a smooth landing with the transporter’s tank leaking steadily. </p><p>But they could do it. Poe was the best pilot, not only in the Resistance, but in the galaxy. So, they prepared themselves, and their prisoner, for a rough landing. </p><p>Poe stayed silent as he hunched over the pilot’s console, flipping switches and plotting a course. Finally he'd nodded and sat back, buckling his own harness.</p><p>“All strapped in?” he’d grinned, reaching his hand out to clasp Finn’s in the seat beside him. Vividly, Finn remembered the glace Poe had spared at Kylo Ren, strapped in and still sedated in the spare seat behind them. There was a small squeeze of the hand, and even as another alarm began to blare, he still flashed that boyish grin. “Hold on. We’re in for a bumpy ride, buddy.”</p><p>It had been silent at first. The ship moved just slightly - some mathematical calculation Poe had done to ensure their descent was at the right angle to break the atmosphere safely. All they had to rely on was calculations and luck now. Everything else required fuel and they didn’t have any more of that.</p><p>It felt like an eternity before they reached the upper edge of the atmosphere. They sat there, hand-in-hand, and Finn had felt like confessing all his sins and desires as a thin, high whistle conducted through the hull, vocalizing their free-fall. </p><p>Soon they could see the smoldering red shell growing around the hull. They were vulnerable now, so very vulnerable, but the Firespray and the bounty hunter were gone. There was no one to witness the transporter as it flamed across the sky, trailing a fiery plume of superheated air and flanked by thick puffs of black smoke. </p><p>It got rough, then. The air was thicker here, more than anticipated, and turbulence rocked and buffeted them as they punched through each layer. They needed a course correction, immediately, and all the way down Poe never flinched, never hesitated; his hands, on the controls, were expert and calm. He said small reassurances over his shoulder to his passengers while sweetly coaxed the ship to do his bidding. There was a thin sheet of sweat over his face, dirtied from grease emerging from the malfunctioning console. He must have been hit by some unsecured object as well; Finn’s memory failed him as he begins to recall a thin line of blood trickling down the side of the pilot’s face. </p><p>Somehow, although they should have run out of fuel by then, Poe had got them down close enough for a crash landing. </p><p>The nose of the transporter made first contact with the surface. It clipped the terra, and did a full turn as Poe cursed, pulling hard up on the controls after they’d done a full rotation. The ship was filled with smoke now, the stifling heat and thickness of the smoke consuming all senses. The ship skipped over the terrain, uncontrolled, each impact with terra harder and rougher, tousling everything unsecured in the ship around without mercy. </p><p>The snap of a harness breaking couldn’t have been heard over the blaring of alarms, couldn’t be seen through the smoke. </p><p>When the ship finally settled, there were small fires littering the main console. They were the first thing Finn saw when the immobility finally set in. He tried to call out to Poe but as he opened his mouth, he took in a lungful of smoke and coughed violently. The door, held on by a wish, fell off the ship a few moments later and the smoke in the cabin migrated out in slow trails. He wasn’t sure if the ringing he heard in his ears was innate to him or one of the various alarms that were still going off. </p><p>As the smoke cleared, he found the strength to lift his neck to observe the damage. It was still hazy but he saw two figures hunched onto the floor. One in the back corner of the transporter and another tucked under the main console. Nausea and exhaustion had overtaken him at that moment. He struggled to keep his head up and clawed at his harness with what little strength he had, unable to undo the metal latch holding him in. He went in and out of consciousness several times, he didn’t know if it went on for minutes, hours or days. His eyes automatically found the figures on the ground each time he came to. </p><p>His eyes were too weak to see if they were expanding and contracting with breathing but each time he looked, neither moved from their positions. He hoped it’d only been minutes. </p><p>That went on for a day -- at least, it had been a day since Finn had awakened again, sore and battered, and surprised to not be dead. When he could stay conscious long enough to find the strength to do more than stare out the hole where the entrance to the ship had been - out into a barren desert and into the unknown - he undid his harness. But without any strength in his legs, he collapsed onto the nearby console as soon as he was able to stand. Hobbling and half dragging himself, he moved to examine the figure tucked partially under the console.</p><p><em> Please please please please... </em>The desperate chant was for nothing. </p><p>The ringing in his ear was louder than before and he passed out once again.</p><p>He awoke to the sound of a sandstorm raging against the remains of the transporter. It became like a ritual for him when he woke up: clenching his fists, lifting his arm, rotating his ankle and neck. Close one eye. Vision clear. Close the other. Vision still blurry but stable. He was alive. </p><p>He turned his head and although there was no sharp pain, it was stiff and ached, mimicking the sensation. Kylo Ren hadn't moved since the crash; hadn't made a sound, didn't respond to stimuli, but Finn had gotten close enough to examine the body. To learn that he was breathing, soft and shallow. When Finn had heard them for the first time, when he inspected the body for lack of anything better to do, he went numb. </p><p>Beneath the numbness, an atavistic bloodlust emerged. Kylo Ren was breathing and bleeding and <em> alive.</em></p><p>He tried to ignore the rage at first by distracting himself with the business of survival. He'd scavenged as much of the supplies that had survived the crash and left the transporter for the first time to find better shelter than the transporter. They stuck out like a sore thumb and if this planet’s inhabitants were anything like the ones on Jakku, you don’t want to stick out. Finn knew he could have died that first day, aimlessly wandering the desert, not confident he could make his way back to the ship. </p><p>He didn’t care. </p><p>He’d found the cave 1.5 klicks southeast of their crash site. It was a small, shallow hole in the side of a rock formation with a wide opening that blew in sand at all times of the day. But it was large enough for them to sleep in and inconspicuous from a distance. It was as safe as they would get and Finn didn’t have the energy to keep looking for anything better. </p><p>His first order of business was to give Poe a proper burial near their new home. If the knight died while he was gone, then so be it. When he returned, more to grab the remainder of the supplies than anything else, Finn couldn’t describe what he felt when he found the knight still alive, his breaths stronger than before, cuts beginning to heal. </p><p>When Finn was confident he could lay his hands on the knight without hurting him, he’d set out to clean him up as best he could to bring him over as well.  </p><p>It hadn't been easy to get him out of there; he was tall, and even if he were at full strength, Finn would have found the task difficult. Eventually, though, he'd managed. The small drop between the door of the ship and terrain -- normally a minor caution -- was the most strenuous task; each muscle Finn had was taxed as he supported the entirety of the knight’s weight in each careful step, careful of an already bruised head. That done, he’d crawled back into the ship to grab the backpack of supplies and the blankets from the cots that hadn’t been destroyed. Finn slowly wrapped his patient in them, for even though the temperature during the day was blazing, it was much too cold at night for the other man in his weakened state. </p><p>Kylo Ren didn't stir as they travelled, didn't stir as Finn cleaned the dirt from the trip off him, didn't stir for days after he'd settled into a routine of exploring, tinkering and standing guard, day after day.</p><p>Now, here beside the fire, with a scratchy blanket around his own shoulders, and a blaster kept close beside him, the guilt of survival began to set in. He wanted to lean into the feeling, to be personally punished for what fate had done to them, but tamed himself with the memory of Poe’s sacrifice. But when that feeling calmed, there was another that emerged, one that no memory or rationale could quell, that Finn would trade for an eternity of guilt.</p><p>
  <em> Shame. </em>
</p><p>For when the night was bitterly cold and the silence seemed to taunt him, he listened to Kylo Ren's even breaths flow from the cave behind him and felt relief that, at the very least, he wasn't alone. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Restoration</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The sky was growing light outside when he heard his patient stir. It was a low moan at first, then the almost inaudible rustle of blankets. In his drowsiness, after eight days of the desert playing tricks on all his senses, the younger man didn’t react. Then Kylo coughed, gagging on his own spit, and instantly Finn was alert. Without much luck, the knight was trying to sit up now. He was sweating, and his breath was rasping in his throat as though suddenly he couldn't get enough air. He grunted as he attempted and, this time, succeeded in sitting upright. Without any support for his back, he hunched forward, knees drawn into his chest. </p><p>Kylo’s heavy breathing filled the room until there was a sudden jerk and his head curled towards his caretaker. </p><p>For a fleeting moment, he seemed startled at the presence of another being besides himself. </p><p>They stared at each other the same way they had stared at each other on Jakku as the world burned around them. </p><p>If Finn’s sense of humor wasn’t still recovering with the rest of him, he’d emulate Poe -- <em> so who talks first? You talk first? I talk first? -- </em>but there was a pulsating ache in his head and he was content with the silence. </p><p>Kylo Ren took it upon himself to fill the silence between them. There was a wobble to his head as he struggled to keep it up. “You're the traitor,” his voice was weak, groggy, almost unsure. </p><p>“Yeah, I’m the traitor,” Finn responded lifelessly. He didn’t expect any gratitude from the Knight of Ren, but the label still stung. On this backwater planet, the enthusiastic and brave Finn, the fast-rising star in the Resistance, seemed to be slipping away like sand through his fingers. </p><p>He hadn’t reverted back to being a designation. No, that had been long shed and forgotten but the longer no one called him Finn, the more foreign the name felt. He hadn’t been using it long enough for the name to roll off his own tongue naturally yet and his last remaining connection with the Resistance -- his best friend, his partner, the one person he truly trusted -- was buried just outside the grotto.</p><p>He had no way of knowing if his new friends would care to look for him, too, or if he’d just be an after-thought in their search for the whereabouts of Kylo Ren. It really shouldn’t matter anymore - his name, his affiliation, they were things others controlled for so long. He had his own two feet to stand on now. He could be anyone he wanted now, be anything he wanted, go anywhere he wanted. Yet each time he remembered Poe’s lifeless body in the under the console of the transporter, he felt his knees go weak and suddenly, he wasn't so sure what he wanted to do, who he wanted to be, where he wanted to go.  </p><p>And what had he gotten in exchange? Lying upright with a hand over bruised ribs was the only person that made Finn feel like the idea of murder wasn’t so revolting. It was that cruel twist of fate that delivered the final blow each time Finn tried to rally himself.</p><p>“Don’t move around so much. You were pretty banged up in the crash," Finn moved from his position near the cave entrance opposite the knight, and knelt beside him. He examined the man's features, his awareness. Kylo had followed his movements easily, a good sign, if any, but Finn wasn't trained as a medic. On D'Qar, he'd listened closely as the medics tended to him. Remembered how they'd pressed his sides, shone lights in his eyes, and tapped his knees each day to see if he'd make it. Finn noticed that one of the knight's pupils was constricted and the other dilated. It could mean nothing, it could be from the tranquilizers they'd pumped in him before the crash,but Finn had recalled the medics worrying about pressure build-up in his brain after they'd noticed the same thing in him. If there was any damage to his brain, Finn didn't have anything, couldn't do anything, to help. "You’ve been out cold for two weeks or so, or at least I think. Can’t really tell how long a day cycle is on this planet.”</p><p>The other brunette’s long hair was a bird's nest - Finn didn’t think that was the most pressing thing to attend to - but the swelling on his face had gone down considerably. Various cuts riddled his face and his lip was busted open in two places. The existing scar across his right eye seemed like child’s play in comparison. The knight looked almost harmless at first glance but there was an animated hate in his eyes. “Why did you save me?”</p><p>“I didn't expect a 'thank you for saving my life,' but I didn't expect this,” Finn scoffed. “Would you have rather died?”</p><p>His voice was little more than a harsh whisper. “It would be more dignified than being at the mercy of a stormtrooper.” </p><p>Finn didn’t react to the provocation. “Are you thirsty?” He stood from his kneeling position, and with a curt turn, moved back towards the entrance of the cave, to the pile of supplies that he’d managed to scavenge from the wreck near the entrance. He rummaged through a tattered bag for the rations, fighting back every thought that told him not to waste his last scraps of sustenance on someone like Kylo Ren. Today, like every day since the crash, he was successful. He held the packets up for inspection. “They don’t taste great but it’s all we have.”</p><p>Finn threw them over. With a harsh slap and a scrap against the sandy cave floor, they landed at the other man’s bedside opposite of him. Kylo glanced at them furtively. “You should have let me die.”</p><p>There was a growing anger in Finn at his patient’s death-wish. “Eat,” Finn ordered. When there was no movement, Finn took a step forward, a stiff finger extended towards the packets. “Either you pick those up and try to eat or I stuff them down your throat.”</p><p>“What difference does it make? No one is coming to save us,” Kylo growled, twisting his upper body towards the other man with a hiss. His eyes stung as morning light spilled into the cave behind Finn. He tried to train his eyes on his caretaker’s but he could only manage to make out the other man’s silhouette, haloed by light. “The sun on this planet is on the verge of collapse. Even if someone attempted a rescue, there is too much ionic interference for a ship to safely enter orbit, let alone break the atmosphere. This planet is dying and we’ll die with it.”</p><p>Finn listened intently, trying not to reveal his ignorance of the fact. The sun was always a sickly red-orange color, eerie and foreboding as it hung low on the horizon. It never rose high in the sky like on D’Qarr or Takodana, and while it slowly crept up every morning, it disappeared each night without preamble. It seemed fittingly ironic that this is where he’d breathe his last breath: it was on the desert planet Jakku where he’d decided to begin living his own life and it was on this desert planet that he’d be forced to lose it. </p><p>“Are you going to eat or do I have to help you?” Finn finally said, walking towards the knight. He returned to kneeling beside the other man, grabbing and ripping open the packaging. “Open your mouth,” he ordered. Kylo eyed the food, and with the same malice in his eyes, looked up at the man holding it towards his lips. Finn knew this was humiliating for the knight: to have been saved, to be dependent on Finn for his survival. “Open it,” he repeated with more force. </p><p>A shaky hand reached out towards him but Finn wasn’t frightened. He knew that Kylo Ren wasn’t strong enough to use his Force ability or he'd surely have tried to kill him well before this point. Instead, the hand grabbed loosely onto the open package. Kylo ate with more vigor than Finn expected. </p><p>“I am not going to sit around, waiting to die,” Finn said after Kylo had gotten a few bites in. “The well I’ve been getting this water from looks like it was abandoned not too long ago. That means there are creatures on this planet - creatures who probably want to live and doing their best to figure out how.”</p><p>“A desire to live is in all things. It’s the basic instinct of the universe,” Kylo said, struggling to swallow now. He placed the half eaten ration on the ground where Finn had thrown it. “But desire and instinct are nothing in the face of reality.”</p><p>“Do you talk like this all the time or are you doing this just for me?” Finn said, offering the canteen to the other man. He drank without being told. “Because if you’re just like this all the time, then you really need to learn to lighten up.”</p><p>Lines of liquid rolled down Kylo’s chin and Finn watched the other man’s Adam’s apple bob up and down as the canteen emptied. With a misplaced spark of pride, he noticed that the other man was beginning to look much healthier with some food and drink in him. </p><p>Finn capped the canteen and moved to replace it back with the other supplies.“You won’t be okay to move around for a while, but regaining consciousness is a nice first step,” he called out, trying to project his voice so he doesn’t have to turn his head. His neck had lost some range of movement and he was certain he’d never fully get it back at this rate. He placed the empty canteen next to the full one in the bag. “If we don’t die by then, we can get out of this cave and start looking for a town or outpost. I haven’t been able to travel far from here but there isn’t anything in a 3 klick radius of our position. It’s a bit of a trek to get there but we have water from the well I told you about and enough rations to last us for a while, if we curb our appetites.”</p><p>Flinching with each large, imprecise movement, Kylo dragged himself back close enough to lean upright against the nearby cave wall. “Surely, Hux’s precious Stromtrooper program trained you better than to mire yourself with a liability like this.”</p><p>“It did,” Finn shrugged as he grabbed a partially eaten ration of his own out of his pocket and took his place near the supplies. “But I’m not a stormtrooper anymore so unfortunately for both of us, I’m stuck with you.”</p><p>Kylo stared straight ahead of him, focusing on the nondescript wall in front on him. “You were a fool on Jakku, on Takodana, on Zonama Sekot, and you're a fool here,” his voice was dark, a restrained fury underwriting and punctuating each word. “Except this time your foolishness it will get you killed.”</p><p>“Now that you’ve gotten all of that out, you should really focus on getting some rest, Ren. We’ll never get out of here if you keep working yourself up like this.” Finn leaned against the wall, his eyes fluttering shut. He waited a few seconds, tasting the words against his lips, biting back his contempt. “The way I see it, you're in no position to be acting high-and-mighty.”</p>
<hr/><p>Two monotonous weeks rolled by, each day slower than the last. There was nothing to do so Finn surveyed a little farther each day, now that he was less worried about leaving the knight’s body unattended. He was careful not to wear himself out, acutely conscious of his own injuries and limitations. Beyond the unimpressive new landscape he explored, more sand and dust that looked the same as they did near the cave, Finn’s routine was largely unchanged except that they were now performed under the intense scrutiny of Kylo Ren. </p><p>He collected water more often since they were both drinking regularly, and it was easier to clean Kylo’s wounds now that he was responsive. At the end of the first week, Finn was able to convince Kylo that he needed to wash his whole body, not just his wounds. Finn had wrapped a clean scrap of cloth around his hand and soaked it with water as Kylo disrobed. He inhaled sharply when the water on the cloth, kept cool by the canteen, dripped onto his warm flesh. There was residual dirt and soot  from the crash on his skin that Finn had missed in his initial review, and bruising on the knight’s inner thighs and legs that he'd never seen before, ranging from a deep purple to green.</p><p>The knight's left knee had been grossly swollen immediately after the crash but what remained of the swelling was now a small mound of red, irritated flesh. He’d inspected it quickly then slid the cloth over it. The other man let out a sharp hiss and grabbed Finn’s wrist in response. </p><p>They locked eyes for a brief second before Finn declared he was done.</p>
<hr/><p>At the end of two weeks, Kylo insisted he was ready to leave and Finn couldn’t blame him for being stir-crazy. Finn packed what few supplies they had left. He helped Kylo stand, the same way he did the last week and half as he helped Kylo reorient himself to his own body. Every step, once he could even support his own weight for longer than a moment, was unsure, but unsure steps were all that the knight had patience for anymore. When the knight faltered, Finn positioned himself under Kylo’s arm as a support. The younger man knew that if Kylo, half a foot taller with the bulk to match, were to collapse that the knight would likely take him down as well.</p><p>As they exited, they both immediately covered their eyes with the hand that didn’t cling to the other. They had become accustomed to the dimness of their hovel, and while Finn had ventured out many times over the last four weeks, it was the first time Kylo, in his weakened state, was exposed to the upturned sandy wind and the fiery burn of the sun that engulfed the planet. Their first few steps together were slow, and at this rate, Finn didn’t think they’d be able to travel that far from the cave. </p><p>He tried to take another step forward, but was caught as Kylo didn’t join him in step. Finn began to open his mouth to chide him, but when he looked up at Kylo, he followed the other man’s line of sight over his head, to the disturbed patch of land to the left of the entrance. The little makeshift grave was lined with rocks that Finn had been able to collect as he explored the terrain in those first few days. With the heaviest rocks he could find, taking care they wouldn’t be blown away by the harsh winds, he spelled out P-O-E across the top.</p><p>It wasn’t much of a headstone but it gave Finn a sense of peace knowing Poe wasn't buried in an unmarked grave. </p><p>The older man just stared, a hollow look in his eye. When he didn't move for a minute, Finn couldn't take it anymore. He took another step forward, with enough force to pull the knight forward with him. The weight against him inhaled sharply, in pain as his shoulder socket was jerked forward without warning.</p><p>"Let's go."</p><p>It was an order. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Dusk</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> It was the Stormtrooper.  </em>
</p><p><em> His vision was blurry but the face of the younger man was unmistakable. He was approaching, and years of finely honed battle instinct cataloged each fervent movement as he got closer. He tried to move, tried to will his body to defend itself but he was bound by some invisible restraint. He was at the mercy of the 'trooper who now stood face-to-face with him. Then, with a smirk, the 'trooper stretched out him arms and pushed him down. Kylo braced himself as he fell backwards, awaiting the hard </em> <em>pain of the solid surface beneath him.  </em></p><p><em> Instead, he was engulfed by warmth and the gentle rustling of sheets. </em> <em>A bed. </em></p><p>
  <em>As the image became clearer, he saw the 'trooper over him, naked. Kylo knew that he, too, must have been naked, as the distinct feeling of flesh touching flesh causes him to grasp tightly at the sheets beneath him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Escape. He needs to escape.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The 'trooper held Kylo's hips down and pulled himself onto the older man until he was straddling him. There was a tingle of pleasure down Kylo's spine when the 'trooper dug his fingers into his shoulders then pressed his weight down onto him, sinking the 'trooper's nails deeper into his flesh. Kylo whimpered in rapture from the potent mix of arousal and pain. Instinctively, he closed his eyes and in the darkness, he tried to struggle against the sensation of the 'trooper's fingers trailing across his neck.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The 'trooper paused at the small depression at the base of the other man's throat. Kylo's breathing was growing increasingly faster in anticipation as the 'trooper didn't move for several moments. Light filtered in as he opened his eyes, and when it diffused and the image cleared, he saw the 'trooper staring down at him, holding his gaze, watching him tenderly.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Finn. His name is Finn.  </em>
</p><p><em>Then slowly, blissfully, the younger man lowered himself onto the knight. Kylo was almost overcome in that first instant, but he quickly wrested back his control. Finn smiled sweetly, seeing his struggle, and leisurely began to move on him. </em> <em>Somewhere along the way, Kylo's hands had found their way to Finn's hips and he felt himself tighten his grip around them. With a simper, the younger man quickened his pace in response. The knight closed his eyes, unable to maintain eye contact, and threw back his head. He was moving with the him now, the 'trooper bouncing on his knees as Kylo thrust into him, and suddenly the younger man leaned back and cried out, his fingernails sharp as they bit into the older man's skin.</em></p><p>
  <em> Kylo could hear a heart pounding in his ears. It was his own, horrified and excited at the same time by what was happening. He was so near to that precipice he’d only been to so few times before, but he held unwavering to his control, concentrating on the other man’s eyes, his nose, his lips. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He watched the play of emotion across 'trooper’s features when he reached orgasm.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>With horror, a thought flashed through the knight's mind. The 'trooper was beautiful. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Finn was beautiful. </em>
</p><p><em>Finn's brows were drawn together and his mouth was open just slightly, and the older man could tell the instant he climaxed by the sudden relaxing of his expression. Finn</em> <em> seemed to float away to somewhere far from him, and Kylo held him close as he waited for him to return. It had been a long time since the knight had held anyone and the contours of the other man’s body, warm and gentle against him, caused a fire to burn deep in him. It was an undeniable urge to canvas every part of Finn's body; first with his fingers, touching every available centimetre, then again with his mouth, kissing and licking until everything tasted like Finn. He leaned his head into the crook of Finn's neck on his chest and licked the sweat that rolled down his neck. It was salty but the younger man's flesh tasted sweet against his tongue. </em></p><p>
  <em>More. He wanted more.</em>
</p><p><em>He felt himself pulsate deep within the younger man, until finally there was nothing left in him. </em> <em>Finn held him as both of their breathing slowed and carefully, he lowered them both back down onto the bed. When Kylo was able to lift his head, he drew back and looked into the younger man’s face. </em></p><p><em> He was staring back at him. No malice, no contempt, no abhorrence. </em> <em>He smiled gently, stars in his eye. </em></p><p>
  <em>"That was incredible, Poe."</em>
</p><p>Kylo Ren awoke with a jolt. A cold sweat had drenched his shirt and even with the utility blanket draped around him, he shivered as a nightly breeze rolled across the campsite. His breathing was heavier than usual, and Finn noticed the slight tremble as the knight raised his hand to appraise it then looked around, as if to remind himself of his surroundings. </p><p>They'd traveled as far as they could that first day. The pace was excruciating, and it was the threat of darkness rather than their injuries that had forced them to set up camp. Their destination was some distance due north, towards three blips that the life form sensor was intermittently picking up. The sensors range was severely limited and they couldn't be sure it wasn't just a malfunction, but it was a start. When they'd laid their camp, Finn had offered to take the first watch while Kylo rested but in reality, he didn't expect the other man to wake up until first light. </p><p>“What’s wrong?” </p><p>Kylo stared at him across the fire, eyes still wide. It was the same voice from his nightmare, but the tone was rougher, hostile, suspicious. These words were meant for him; this was reality.</p><p>“The pilot…?” Kylo trailed, confused, brows furrowed. He stared absentmindedly at Finn’s face, puzzling out whatever thought that was troubling him. </p><p>The fire crackled loudly. </p><p>It was someone's turn to speak again.</p><p>“You can’t use the Force so you’re going the old-fashion route, huh?” Finn shook his head, and chuckled to himself. If there was one thing he would take away from his stormtrooper days, it would be restraint. He was being goaded into an emotional reaction and he wouldn't give the other man the satisfaction. Still, it’s easier to be stoic when you are born and raised as nothing but cannon fodder. There are no emotional strings to pull that way. “Can’t blame you for trying, at least.”</p><p>There wasn’t any response and despite his best effort, the itch of rage and irritation begged to be scratched. His gaze shifted upward, along the hunch of the knight’s half-upright figure, to a profile, pale and covered in a fine sheen of sweat. The other man seemed genuinely perturbed, his eyes darting around, trying now to focus on something in the distant darkness. Finn wouldn’t fall for it. He wouldn’t. “His consciousness lives,” Kylo finally whispered in revelation.  </p><p>It was a low blow but Finn recovered quickly. </p><p>“Bravo, great performance.” The younger man swallowed the saliva that had built up as his fight-or-flight instinct struggled for control, “Are you done now?”</p><p>The reflection of the flame danced in the darkness of Kylo’s eyes as he turned his attention to the younger man for a fleeting moment. His gaze was pointed now, and momentarily, their eyes locked. It was a trick, just a trick, Finn reminded himself.</p><p>“His thoughts, his memories, his emotions,” he started again, his face slowly reverting back to it's usual scowl. “He'd projected them so loudly before he died.”</p><p>“I’m warning you now that you're talking too much,” Finn growled, readying himself to act on his threat if he needed. “Just shut up and go back to sleep.”</p><p>There was a palpable tension in the air just before the knight eased into a smirk, slow and taunting, a confidence returning to his face as he worked out what was puzzling him. “Did you know how much he loved you?”</p><p>Finn wasn’t sure he’d meant his threat until his fist was half-way through the top of the flames between them. He made contact with Kylo’s jaw, hard enough to knock him down. As the knight toppled, Finn lost his balance and rolled quickly to avoid falling into the makeshift fire-pit. His fist, still tender from the crash, throbbed from the impact.  </p><p>Kylo touched the corner of his mouth. Fresh blood; the hit had tore the still fragile healing on his lower lip. “Is that all? I took your threat a little more seriously than this.”</p><p>“You deserve worse, but that's what you want, isn't it? Well, you're not getting it from me,” Finn nursed his hand. He was still lying on the floor where he’d rolled, just beyond Kylo’s feet. "Poe's dead. You think I don't realize that every second I'm stuck with you? I chose to help you and you know why? Because you were right, I am an idiot, a massive idiot. But I made a choice, probably the hardest one I've ever made in my life, and I am going to damn well see it through. We're getting off this planet together and <em>alive."</em></p><p>"And what about once we're off the planet, together and alive?" Kylo asked after a beat. "What exactly is your plan?"</p><p>"To hand you over to General Organa. You'll be her problem." It was his turn to smirk as he added, "Once again."</p><p>Immediately, Kylo's eye twitched and he began to chew at the inside of his lower lip. The skin over his knuckles strained and cracked as they balled into tight fists. Finn kept the defiant smirk in place. He'd hit a nerve. </p><p>There was fury in his countenance but Kylo didn't react; he just stared straight into the younger man's eyes. Then, there was a light tug at the corner of his mind, a foreign presence outside his consciousness, scratching to get in. His neck craned towards the source of the invasion. “Get out of my head, Ren,” Finn bit hard on the flesh of his inner-cheek, hoping the pain would ground him in reality.</p><p>“If I could get into your mind, Stormtrooper, you wouldn’t be able to speak right now.”</p><p>“Then stop trying," he spat. </p><p>“I don’t need the Force to sense your mistrust. If words won't suffice, then I'll show you,” Kylo reached a hand towards him and this time, Finn knew he had something to worry about. The corner of his lips curled upwards and Finn was consumed with an overwhelming urge to take another swing. “You do want to see him again, don't you?”</p><p>He didn’t know what for, or if it would even work, but he braced himself, “You’re not getting in my mind.”</p><p>The hand stayed suspended, the probe clawing desperately to get in. Finn knew the knight was still weak - he could be resisted - but the younger man was surprised at how persistent he was. He knew if the knight got in, he'd begin some psychological assault and he wouldn't let the other man weaponize memories of Poe against him. Finn kept his guard up, eyes locked with his opponent’s. There was no expression in them, just dark pools, devoid of any light except the furious glow of the fire beside them. Then, there was a slight sinking feeling in the younger man. Involuntarily, he recalled those few vulnerable moments just after the knight awoke. He had been sincerely unsettled by something, so rattled that he was barely conscious of Finn until he was snapped out of his fugue state. Finn's heart beat slow and loud in his chest, the percussion of each beat echoing throughout his whole body, as the question crossed his mind: <em>what if he was telling the truth?</em></p><p>He went cold and the world seemed to stop around him with the thought. <em>It's not true. It can't be true</em>. It was as if every atom of his being shouted in unison.</p><p><em>No.</em> </p><p>The look of concentration faded instantly from the knight’s face, and he recoiled in stinging pain as Finn felt the presence in his mind retreat. “So be it,” Kylo finally said, out of breath.  </p><p>Finn, himself fatigued from the conflict, let out with an incredulous noise in reply. “Are you trying to pretend you’re giving up because you want to?”</p><p>“It’s not a matter of whether I’ve given up or not,” he responded, as if contemplating something. “I've realized, even if I were to enter your mind, there isn’t anything to gain.”</p><p>“You’re too weak, that’s what you mean,” Finn translated. “You talk a big game, but you’re not much without the Force.”</p><p>“I admit, the Force dampening effects of a dying sun are inconvenient,” Kylo growled. “But surely you must remember that all I ever needed was my lightsaber to take care of you. If I had my saber in that forsaken cave, I would have been able to kill yo--"</p><p>“Yeah, sure, and you would have gotten real far without me, I bet,” Finn cut him off, a note of angry sarcasm underwriting his reply. Although, as he sat at the mercy of the wilderness with no one but his conscience to judge him, Finn wondered if he really was doing the right thing. In that same instant, his eyes flickered to the supplies bag. He still had the shock collar and tranquilizers, if he needed them. </p><p>Kylo didn’t respond. There was quiet between them for a bit until Finn saw the other man begin to rise. “It’s my turn to stand watch, isn't it?” he said, taking staggering steps towards where the blaster lay.</p><p>The Resistance fighter eyed him. "Right, so you think I'm going to let you have the blaster after all that?"</p><p>"You're tired. If whatever you are worried about doesn't happen tonight, it will happen tomorrow night," Kylo stated, matter-of-fact. "You can't survive without sleep. You have no other options but to kill me or trust me."</p><p>The blaster, loaded and ready, was already in his hand. </p><p>"And I believe you've already made your choice, haven't you, FN-2187?"</p><p>For the first time in a month, Finn truly wanted to laugh from somewhere deep inside of him. He resisted the urge, shaking his head to release the tension. "You've got to be kidding me," he whispered to himself. He was tired, desperately tired - physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Fate, in it's cruelty, allowed Kylo to be right again. If the knight didn’t kill him, the sleep deprivation would get him sooner or later. Death by blaster was probably quicker and less painful anyways. </p><p>There was no acknowledgement or agreement. Finn moved to position himself back onto his side, and in a swift motion, draped a blanket around his shoulders and laid down, his back facing away from the fire and the knight. For a while, Kylo stood silently, watching the younger man's back. Finn shut his eyes as he heard him finally walk away, towards one of the small, nearby dunes that offered some defensive cover if they needed it.</p><p>The older man’s pace slowed after he’d taken three large paces from the campsite. He brought the blaster closer to his face for inspection. It had seven shots left. The contours of the weapon felt foreign in his hand - it had been a while since Kylo had held one. He was his own weapon and when that wasn’t enough, his saber would finish the job. He shifted his torso back towards the camp site to look at the younger man’s back through the fire. His vision was still poor, this afternoon being the first time he’d gone a day without seeing doubles. </p><p>But he was confident he could make the shot if he wanted. </p><p>Kylo shifted his whole body now, and faced the campsite without moving any closer. He couldn’t know if the younger man was sleeping, couldn’t reach out using the Force without already the other man. He didn’t need to know, he decided, as he pointed the blaster at Finn’s back. It trembled in his hand, suddenly very heavy against the planetary gravity, as his finger inched towards the trigger, hovering so close he could almost feel the cold steel radiate against his finger. The blaster stayed in position for less than a moment but it felt like an eternity.</p><p>Then he went limp, his arms falling to his sides, followed by the muted thud of a blaster hitting the planet surface. A bead of sweat rolled down the side of his face, stinging against a cut that was still raw to the touch. He stared at his hands - hands that had the blood of his father on them - then turned back around and began walking towards nothing in particular until the small dune caught his eye. He collapsed to his knees at the edge of the slope before falling forward onto the incline. </p><p>He grabbed a handful of sand in his hand and threw it in frustration, letting out a small guttural cry. The tiny granules rode a small, warm breeze into the endless night and the knight made no move to get up. He grabbed another handful of the sand and this time gently released it, watching streams of sand escape through his fingers.</p><p>He muttered to himself, content in knowing that his companion could not hear him, “If only you would have killed me, Finn.” </p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Awakening</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As the days passed, Finn began to grow accustomed to the knight’s presence. </p><p>As he became aware of the growing familiarity, there was a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. He fought the natural urge to build rapport with the knight, to remind himself of the evil that Kylo Ren represented, against the loneliness that told him to forget it mattered. </p><p>Still, the knight’s weight against him was a buoy in the endless, unchanging desert. It had been five days since they set out, and neither of them were sure how much more strain their bodies could endure. The leg that housed Kylo’s swollen knee could not bend properly and the knight was forced to drag it along when he could no longer find the strength to bear the pain. Finn felt himself go numb periodically, leaning against the knight for support when his own legs would give out on him. The young man felt their dependence on each other grow with passing day, but they rarely spoke outside of necessity, staying apart in everyway their bodies couldn't. </p><p>The three blips they followed on the life form sensor grew nearer and nearer each day, and Finn hoped with growing fervor they were friend and not foe. Kylo’s recurring night terrors began to concern him and the younger man suspected he needed proper rest and nourishment. The older man had an increasingly difficult time sleeping and even though he seemed to rebound more easily after that first night, his sleep was disturbed, tossing and turning, muttering under his breath, embroiled in struggle against an impalpable enemy. </p><p>With a static-like start, the life form tracker chirped loudly and against the white-noise of their surroundings, the tracker was deafening. The pair looked down to see the three yellow dots indicating life shine brightly against the green screen. The younger man curled his head towards the outline of a small ramshackle house that had been obscured by the visibility-limiting dust storm that seemed to rage all around them.</p><p>“A house,” Finn muttered under his breath, astonished. The young man looked about for any other signs of civilization around the non-descript shelter and when none seemed apparent, he continued. “It’s a kriffing house out in the middle of nowhere.”</p><p>The knight took his turn surveying the land, weakly lifting his head and scanning the area. </p><p>They were exhausted. Desperate. With that, a mutual understanding set in.</p><p>Kylo untangled himself from Finn, slowly. “We’ll have to get in there.” </p><p>“Sure,” Finn squinted as a breeze blew up dust. “But I get the feeling whoever is in there doesn’t want us hanging around.”</p><p>Kylo’s face matched the younger man’s expression. There was a flutter of movement as a figure ran by the poorly boarded windows of the home. “This is the only life we’ve encountered in a month,” he replied. “If you're still clinging to the desperate hope that someone on this backwards planet has the means of escaping, this is our only chance.”</p><p>Finn placed his hands on his hips as exhaustion set in. Without the weight of the other man against him, he found it difficult to stand on his own. “It’s them or nothing,” he conceded to himself. </p><p>“Well,” the other man’s eyes didn’t leave the house as he spoke cautiously. There was another smaller flash of movement at the other of the two windows. “What do you have in mind?”</p><p>“They don’t know our firepower and we don’t know theirs. So we need to approach this defensively,” he replied. Finn pointed to the large well, half-way between them and the house. “That’s the only cover we have once they start shooting at us through those windows.”</p><p>“Your plan is for us to get closer so they can get a better shot at us?” </p><p>The younger man pretended not to hear the question as he focused on the area before him. “We’ll make a dash for the well and draw their fire first. Do you see that bar, just off the left side of the house?”</p><p>Kylo turned his attention to a rusty piece of iron sticking out of the sand. “Yes, but why?”</p><p>“It’s definitely for tying up riding animals,” Finn explained. “If the front door were the only entrance to the house, that bar would be out in front where they could monitor the animals.”</p><p>A look of comprehension washed over the knight’s face. “There’s another entrance on that side of the house.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Finn nodded. “And if we can get them to face off there, it leaves us in a better position than out here.”</p><p>They stayed silent for a second. Finn was still uneasy about Kylo as an ally in combat but he didn’t have the luxury to dwell on it as two shots rang out. With a rudden rush of adrenaline, they sprinted towards the well for cover. There were two shooters, shooting out of the same window, but they were sloppy with bad aim and even worse timing, leaving the target side of the house barely covered. It wasn’t the work of anyone familiar with a blaster.</p><p>Finn felt suddenly at ill-ease as he settled behind the wall of the well. “They’re frightened,” he declared after a beat.</p><p>“I know,” the knight replied, coldly. “They were hoping to scare us off.”</p><p>The Resistance fighter bit at his lower lip, the sinking feeling in his stomach threatening to consume him. “Then we can’t shoot at them.”</p><p>The knight stared at the other man with contempt. “Just because they are frightened doesn’t mean they won’t hesitate to kill you.”</p><p>Finn shook his head, ignoring the warning. He handed Kylo the blaster from his waistband. </p><p>The other man eyed him wearily. “What are you doing?”</p><p>“Surrendering,” he replied, edging closer to the corner and peering over at the simple home. “They’re scared and inexperienced. It’s a long shot but I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I hurt them.”</p><p>The knight opened his mouth to speak before closing it. He was silent for a few moments as he examined the blaster’s ammo supply. Finally, as Finn readied himself to act, he spoke. “You really are a fool.”</p><p>The younger man shrugged and took a deep breath. He crawled out from behind the well and stood up quickly when he was fully out in the open. He was still and exposed, arms in the air as the high whistle of the wind swept desert debris between him and the house. He strained to see through the heat and dust and caught the glint of metal from a blaster in the window. </p><p>It was aimed directly at him with no signs of retreat.</p><p>He cursed and tried to jump back behind the cover but the blaster grazed his leg. He withered in pain from the impact. The knight ducked and ran towards the figure on the ground, dragging him back to safety as a flurry of shots rang around them.</p><p>As soon as they were safely back behind their cover, Finn sprang up. “That’s my shot leg you dragged me in on,” he hissed in pain.</p><p>“Would you rather I’d left you out there to die?” Kylo spat back, blaster in hand as he peeked over the top of the well. A blaster shot clipped the edge of the structure, just missing the knight’s head. </p><p>Finn propped himself up against the wall. His eyes were shut tight and his breathing ragged; it took some moments before the spasm passed and he was able to relax and meet the knight’s eyes. “No,” he agonized. </p><p>There was quiet again from the house as the two men stayed huddled and unmoving from their position. “Stormtrooper?” Kylo said, taking another look over the ledge. There was no fire this time.</p><p>Finn grunted as he positioned his leg straight in front of him. A wet pool of blood weighed the fabric of his trousers down. “It’s Finn, but I’ll assume you’re talking to me.”</p><p>“If I give you this blaster, you wouldn’t shoot me in the back, would you?”</p><p>“Ren,” Finn paused to take a deep breath as he applied a firm pressure to his wound. “If I were going to shoot you, it wouldn’t be in the back.”</p><p>The knight stared hard at the younger man before offering him the blaster. “You can still shoot, can’t you?” Finn glanced at Kylo then the blaster before nodding and accepting the weapon. “Cover me then.”</p><p>Finn lowered himself and moved onto his stomach. He peeked over the side of their covering and aimed the blaster where the other shots were fired from. The knight positioned himself on the other side of the well, ready to sprint to the side of the house and execute their original plan.</p><p>They counted to three in unison and at three, the Resistance fighter took the first shot at the house and drew the blaster fire towards him as Kylo began the mad dash.</p><p>As their assailants redirected their blaster fire towards the knight, Finn the corners of his mouth curled up into a wistful, crooked smile. “Maybe he really does have a little bit of Poe in him after all.”</p><hr/><p>Finn knew Kylo had been successful when he’d heard a loud bang as the door was kicked in. He knew he only had a small window to duck out of cover and assist Kylo and with the strength he could muster, he’d hobbled over to the side door. The knight stood rigidly in the doorframe, staring into the room at a young woman and an even younger boy with a blaster in hand. There was another child tucked behind the woman’s skirt, his face buried in fear. </p><p>Children with dirty faces and eyes wide in fear. </p><p>Finn collapsed then from the blood loss, but the sight was enough to knock him down anyways. </p><hr/><p>“Hold still.” </p><p>Kylo sat at the foot of the bed, a knife gripped firmly in his hand and steadily approaching the younger man’s leg. The knife point was close to Finn’s skin, so close he could feel the cold metal against his skin as the blade glided and tore the fabric of his trouser. As the blade travelled, slowly, smoothly, deliberately, Finn swallowed the excess saliva that had been building in his mouth. </p><p>“Be careful with that,” he cautioned. </p><p>Kylo removed the tattered remains of the trousers with more gentleness than the younger man expected. The wound was an angry shade of red, the skin around it charred from the blaster fire. Finn looked down at it and cursed, wishing again for the anesthetic effect of adrenaline to take over again. The knight began to clean the dried blood from around the wound. The cool sensation of water was overwhelming against hot skin, and it was enough to make the younger man almost pass out again. </p><p>“That sounded like an order,” Kylo said, reaching for something beside him. The younger man let out a harrowing scream as sudden, sharp coolness made contact with the wound. “But the way I see it, you’re not really in any position to be giving orders.”</p><p>“Was that an attempt at cruel irony?” he said through a wince. Finn breathed out raggedly as the initial sting subsided. “What was<em> that </em>?”</p><p>“Bacta,” the knight responded without feeling. With one hand, he found the bandages in the same area he’d kept the bacta. Kylo gripped the ankle of the injured leg and used it to force Finn’s knee straight. “I said, hold still.”</p><p>A small voice directed a question to Finn: “Is this how friends treat each other where you’re from, stranger?” </p><p>“We’re not friends,” he inhaled sharply. Kylo finished the bandaging, tightening it hard against the wound. The younger man just barely stopped himself from cursing in front of the children, choosing to grunt instead. “Trust me,” he finished gruffly. </p><p>“Are you feeling better?” the young woman asked with genuine concern. </p><p>A blaster was still pointed at the pair. </p><p>Finn gave his best attempt at a charming grin. “I’d feel a lot better if you stopped pointing that thing at us. You’re a pretty good shot, you know.”</p><p>“Not really,” the young woman responded. “Back out there, I was aiming for your head.”</p><p>Finn’s smile went crooked for a moment. “Oh, well,” he chuckled. “In that case, lucky me, huh?” </p><p>A look of remorse crossed her face before she regained her composure. “I still don’t know your intentions, strangers,” she said, a cautious note in her voice. She gave a single nod to the younger kids. The smaller of the two unwrapped a small cloth to reveal two pieces of sweet bread and placed them gingerly between his sister and them. “But we treat our guests with hospitality.</p><p>Finn lifted himself upright and against the headboard with another grunt. He reached for the food, but Kylo grabbed his wrist. The knight looked the young woman in the eye and snarled. “Does your version of hospitality usually include shooting at unarmed people?” </p><p>“No,” she replied, quickly, full of regret. Her cover was brave but Finn noticed how she clutched the blaster tighter. “At least, not before the Irritations started.”</p><p>“The Irritations?” Finn echoed in confusion.</p><p>“Yes, of course,” she stared at him, equally confused. “You haven’t been going around like it’s still the Before Times, have you?”</p><p>“We’ve been living in the desert for years,” Kylo lied. “What’s happened?”</p><p>The woman still seemed wary and perplexed. “You haven’t noticed there have been less caravans travelling? That the outposts have been abandoned? Don’t you all ever go into town for supplies? There is no way you could survive in the desert without realz --”</p><p>There was growing frustration in the knight’s voice as he interrupted. “Why don’t you pretend we don’t know and enlighten us?”</p><p>The woman seemed to be in a trance for a moment. Finn looked quickly at the knight in silent anger but the older man cut him off with an equally vicious look. When she spoke, her voice was distant, more mechanical than before. </p><p>“It started when I was a youngling, and when the little ones here were still just babes, going on a long time now,” she drawled in her twilight state. “It happened slowly, very slowly. We noticed the days got longer and hotter, but we didn’t notice the sun getting angrier. No, we noticed that too late...the people in the town started getting nervous, getting angrier with the sun then. It all broke down when we lost the ability to communicate off-world. We were stuck.”</p><p>“Nobody reached out for help before that happened?” Finn asked, sympathetically. “There has to be something that could have been done before it got like this.”</p><p>“We did,” she nodded, looking far off. One of the little boys stared up at her with concern, sensing something was wrong. He tugged at her skirt but she ignored him, “We reached out to the First Order, all the towns did. And we got a response, too, got word they’d send help immediately but we waited and waited, and no one ever came.” </p><p>“They were never planning to send anyone,” he muttered, mostly to himself.</p><p>“Oh, that’s not true,” she rebuffed, a child-like innocence in her voice. “They’re fighting against some rebels now. They just didn’t have the time, but they got the message. It’s only a matter of time before they come. We just have to hold out.” </p><p>“And what if marauders find you before the First Order?” Kylo asked, looking her in the eye.</p><p>“Marauders? Oh, yes, marauders,” she echoed the word in her haze and for the first time, she lowered the blaster and moved to sit in the nearby chair, looking out the window and into the expanse. “First, they’ll taunt us from a distance like it’s a game, all of them. They travel in bands of 10, sometimes 12, some on orbaks, some on foot. And they’ll know they have us outgunned, they won’t be scared. They’ll storm the house and tear it apart, they’ll take everything and anything they want,” she paused to bunch together the top of her blouse where a button was missing. “After that, when there’s nothing left, they’ll kill the younglings and then they’ll kill me, too, and set fire to the house.” </p><p>There was a long silence as the young continued to look out the window. Finally, the pleading of the younger boy caught her attention. She lifted him into her lap and smiled gently at him. </p><p>Finn felt a rush of nausea as her worries and fears seemed to wash over him in waves. </p><p>“Will you stay here, waiting for the First Order?” the younger man forced the question out, upset at being complicit in keeping a false hope alive. “What if they don’t come in time?”</p><p>There was a sorrowful expression dancing across her features now. “We have nowhere else to go. We have to wait.” </p><p>She’d already considered the possibility.</p><hr/><p>They stayed with the small family. It was better accommodations than their camp and the children were happy to have guests. They lived in relative peace and they left no one to stand guard, resigned to their fate if the gallop of hooves approached. Two battered men, two children and a half-girl/half-woman scared behind a strong façade. </p><p>Each night, they all slept content with the false sense of peace they had created. Yet there was a growing uneasiness in the younger man as each day passed. He played with the children, grateful for meals that were more than bland rations and properly filtered water, but he knew it was only a distraction. Each day he would glance towards the knight, who occupied his days with silent meditation and observing the hollow desert through the boarded windows. </p><p>He was waiting for something. </p><p>But for the world to end or for marauders, Finn didn’t know.</p><hr/><p>They came when the red-orange sun was highest in the sky. It started as a faint gallop, dust rising out of the horizon, until the mob was in plain sight. There were ten that Finn and Kylo could make out between them, all on orbaks. </p><p>“Take the kids and go into the back room,” Finn instructed the young woman. “Don’t come out until we say it's safe, okay?”</p><p>She nodded and retreated to the back room. Kylo’s gaze didn’t leave the group of men that were now boldly drinking from the well. “We’re outgunned and outmanned,” he stated flatly.</p><p>“Thanks, Kade Genti, for that astute analysis,” Finn snarled. “Do you have anything useful to say or do you also want to point out the sky is blue?”</p><p>“It was your brilliance that got us into this situation,” the older man returned the tone. “What else can we do other than accept our fate? At best, we can buy time so the kids have a chance to escape.”</p><p>The expression of the younger man’s face softened slightly. He took a deep inward breath in resolution, “Go with them.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Your Force abilities are getting stronger, right?” Finn responded, quickly, as he grabbed the blaster from where it lay and inspected it. “They’ve got a better chance with you and your magic than me and my leg. I’ll buy you as much time as possible.”</p><p>“How much time do you think you’ll be able to get us on a blaster with two shots left and a bad leg?” the knight exclaimed, a foreign incredulity in his voice. He muttered, almost to himself, “Within a year the Resistance has turned a perfect soldier into a suicidal idiot.”</p><p>Finn approached the door and hesitated. His mind went back to Takodana, when he considered running away and saving only himself. Now, as the gravity of what he was about to do set in, threw a glance back towards the knight and smirked, "I told you before, I'm not a Stormtrooper anymore." </p><p>The knight was silent for a moment, features set in stone. "Get their attention," he finally said. "But if you can't, I won't run just to be shot in the back by a bunch of common thieves."</p><p>The younger man nodded, smirk still against his lips, as light spilled into the house from the door. A small group of the marauders noticed him in the doorframe first, gesturing to their comrades as they chuckled. Finn realized how he appeared: dirty, exhausted, and trousers torn to reveal the bandaged blaster wound. A man on the verge of collapse in front of a home that looked like it would follow him into ruin. It was no shock that the marauders didn't react to him, even as he approached them with a blaster in hand.</p><p>The orbaks neighed as the rambunctious chatter of their riders became clearer and clearer - the young man wasn't listening closely but there was indistinct chatter among one group about their latest pillage, something about a nearby outpost. A pair that had gotten off their orbaks spoke in low tones about a Hutt crime-lord that made promises that were larger than his wallet and a deranged First Order officer. If he made it out of here alive, he'd remember that portion. </p><p>"Can we help you?" one of the marauders questioned with a cruel chuckle.  </p><p>Finn clutched the blaster and resisted pointing it at him. "You can help me by leaving."</p><p>A few more of the marauders laughed at the statement and their eyes travelled to a large man whose attention was focused solely on drinking out of his canteen. The man who had initially spoken to Finn had a sinister glint in his eye as he addressed the large man directly. "Hey, boss, he says he wants us to leave."</p><p>Their leader continued to lazily drink from his canteen before finally pausing to turn and appraise the young man. He looked Finn over once then lifted the canteen back to his lips. “You’ve got a bad leg there, friend,” the leader said, coolly, before taking another long drink. </p><p>“My leg’s got nothing to do with my ability to shoot, friend.”</p><p>“Okay,” the marauder shrugged in acceptance, seemingly bored and amused. “You get three questions.”</p><p>“First: do you and your crew have a claim to this territory?”</p><p>“Yes,” the leader responded, leaning forward languidly on his orbak. Some of his crew snickered at the response. “Your second question?”</p><p>“Are you going to kill us?”</p><p>“Yes,” he responded in another lazy drawl. “Torture you, too, in case that was your next one.”</p><p>Finn’s eyebrows knitted, trying to hide growing fury. “Last question: are you or are you not going to leave?”</p><p>His lips curled into an easy smile. “I think you and your friends in there know the answer to that.” </p><p>A high ringing noise peeled through Finn’s mind at the response. He thought of his injuries and the eleven men in front of him then of the young woman and the two little boys. He and Kylo couldn’t hold them off, they were outgunned, outnumbered, and significantly more battered. </p><p>He didn’t know what he’d been thinking, trying to survive on this damn planet. At least if he’d died, he wouldn’t have to contend with failure. At least if he’d given up, he wouldn’t be torn limb from limb by a sadistic mob. </p><p>He bit at the flesh of his inner cheek and watched the other members of the gang inched toward their own blasters. He held back a curse, kept his face steady as if he knew what he was doing. Fear seemed to be radiating from the shelter behind him, mingling with malevolence and a distinct anger that seemed to rise above it all. </p><p>This is what he deserves for trying to be a hero.</p><p>For trying to take a stand. </p><p>For doing what he believed was the right thing. </p><p>Involuntarily, he closed his eyes as an electricity pulsated through his veins and his breathing became erratic. The high ringing in his ear reached a fever-pitch, and then he began to feel it. It was a presence traveling up and down his body, wrapping itself around him, speaking to him without words. Faintly, he heard the clamoring of the marauders and the loud neighing of the orbaks before he lost touch with the world around him, reduced to little more than awareness of himself and nothing else.</p><p>Then, as he opened his eyes, he heard the screams. It was as if a sonic explosion had gone off. A dust cloud, taller than him and spanning wide on all sides, clouded his vision. There were shadows of men and animals, thrown far off, barely moving. He heard one of the marauders cry out. He didn’t know if it was in agony or death. </p><p>Finn stood stunned, waiting for the dust to clear. There were a few marauders that hadn’t been immediately killed by the blast. They struggled to get up, their shadows rising and falling, but the few that managed to get up ran as far as they could before collapsing again for the final time. </p><p>He took a staggered breath and felt himself for damage. He was covered in some blood, but it wasn’t his. There was the blaster wound and the remnants of the crash but he was uninjured. </p><p>Finn lifted his hands up to his face to inspect them in horror. He knew he was responsible for the carnage in front of him. </p><p>The crunch of footsteps behind him caused him to whirl around, blaster poised to fire. It was Kylo, followed distantly by the young woman and the younglings. Finn lowered the blaster and placed a hand on his forehead, massaging in an attempt to ease his nerves. “I...” he started, then looked back as the remainder of the dust settled. The bodies of the orbaks and the marauders littered the landscape. “I didn’t mean to do that.”</p><p>There was a deathly serious look on Kylo’s face. “How did you do that?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” he replied, a quiver in his voice. He repeated, quieter, “I don’t know.”</p><p>The young woman took a step forward, unaware of the mounting strain between the two young men. She held the two little boys back from exploring the battle site. “That’s the cleanest explosive I’ve ever seen,” she said, impressed. “I didn’t even see you pull it out. To think, you could have used something like that on the house…”</p><p>Her voice seemed to fade as the knight kept his gaze focused on the younger man. There was an unknown intensity in them. “You’ve been hiding it this whole time,” his features tightened in frustration. “That’s how you had the strength to survive.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“The Force,” Kylo said, simply. “It’s unrefined, and in need of guidance like your scavenger friend, but it’s powerful.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This chapter and the next are long overdue so I just wanted to get something acceptable out (if any of you watch 'Chopped' on Food Network, this is the fanfic author's version of "At this point, I don't have any more time so I've just got to get something on the plate" a.k.a. "I just hope I was able to bring the right flavors"). I have had them pretty much written since post-election but I am very fussy about them for some reason, re: style and tone.</p><p>Also, I want to say a big thank you to everyone who has commented. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate it! :) Always open to concrit, suggestions, reactions and random thoughts!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Reunion</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Finn sat up into the moonlight spilling in from the cracks in the window. He caught the rise and fall of Kylo’s chest out of the corner of his eye. The knight lay asleep on the floor just beside the bed, vulnerable, his face open and unguarded. </p><p>This afternoon had been a revelation. The revelation that he, too, could use the Force made him question himself, his life, all his motivations. Was the Force what caused him to defect from the First Order? What of his family, could they use the Force as well? Why hadn’t anyone noticed before? Not Rey, not the General, not even Kylo Ren. </p><p>This afternoon had been a revelation. The blaster wound in his thigh was now a dull ache, and Finn found it hard to think as it throbbed. He focused on the rhythmic breathing of the other man, searching for something indefinable in the room, an energy, a link, an aura, his face a study in concentration.  </p><p>Momentarily, there was guilt.</p><p>This afternoon had been a revelation. The playing field was equal now. He could enter Kylo’s mind just as easily as Kylo could enter his. It was his turn to get answers from the knight, whether the other man wanted to give them or not. He ignored the sensation in his leg and focused on searching for a link. He extended a hand towards the knight, imitating the knight in those moments when he wanted to tap into the Force.</p><p>Yet as he sat in the dark, nothing seemed to occur. There was no feeling, no invisible trail to follow to the other man’s mind. It might help if he touched the other's face, but he found himself hesitant to do that. The knight would assuredly have a negative reaction to being touched while sleeping, breaking the fragile trust they’d established over the course of their time together. </p><p>But in the end, he realized that he was going to have to touch him. He had reached into his mind as much as he knew how to, and hadn’t come up with the faint trace of a thought from the other man.</p><p>Besides, whatever trust that would be broken from simply touching the knight would surely be shattered if Finn succeeds in entering the other man’s mind.</p><p>There was a creak, loud as thunder to the younger man’s ears, as he got off the bed. He paused and waited for a reaction from the knight, from their hosts asleep in the side room. </p><p>Nothing. </p><p>He knelt down by the knight, the same as he’d done all those nights where his life hung by a thread. For a moment, he simply sat beside the knight, breathing deeply, letting his senses become acquainted with the sounds, smells and sights of the night. </p><p>Concentrate and meditate: that’s what the older man did every night with deep, slow breaths, staying perfectly still. Finn puzzled at his two hands in front of him, unsure if he should lay both on the knight or one of himself and another on the knight. Hesitantly, he reached out to lightly rest his second and third finger against the other man’s temple, his fourth and fifth fingers hovering just above the knight. Then, as if instinctively, his thumb found itself resting low and firm against the knight’s jaw.  Then he closed his eyes, stopped his mind from racing and quashed the rising fear of being caught. He emptied his mind, ready to accept.</p><p>But nothing happened. He opened his eyes and there was no shift from the emptiness in the angular face beneath him. His inability to use the Force on command caused frustration to flare within in. Deep down, he knew it probably took years to master these techniques but when he remembered the carnage he’d been able to unleash without even realizing it, he cursed the Force and all the troubles it caused. </p><p>Slowly, as his frustration and anger faded, Finn’s awareness of his body also faded. He lost the soft rhythmic beating of the knight’s heart, the howling of the wind against the house, the rapid beating of his own heart. Gradually he lost the aches and pains, not only from this afternoon, but from the first day he’d landed on the planet. He lost the feeling of Kylo’s face beneath his fingers. He forgot he was kneeling in a drafty shack, on a doomed planet in the middle of nowhere. Forgot there was a war, a First Order, a Resistance, a goal, his purpose.</p><p>Almost, he forgot who he was and what he was doing. They were coming together, individual essences weaving in interstitial space, barely maintaining themselves as they formed a shared consciousness. The knight’s mind was on the horizon, an imperceptible guide leading him towards the entrance.</p><p>Abruptly, the floor gave out under him and he descended into a pit of fire.</p><p>It was anger, hot and bright; a rage at the universe, at his parents, at the Resistance, at himself. Finn’s mind danced and weaved with these thoughts, for the younger man had a rage inside him as well, that burned equally hot and equally bright: a rage at the universe, at unknown parents, at the First Order, at himself. Through the white hot heat and blinding rays, however, was the balm of the love and friendship to soothe the burns. As if the love of his friends surrounded him, he was swathed and protected from being consumed by the flames.  </p><p>Then, a further rejection of his presence, a warning to leave, Finn was thrown into pain. An ocean of it, a vast and troubled sea without bottom or border, trying to pull him down into the darkness. He struggled against the currents and waves but he had strength now, a power to resist being submerged in regrets and what-ifs, the ability to let go of the past and look towards a future. </p><p>But there were reminders of his past everywhere, in front of him, every time he looked in a mirror... it became dark suddenly, and Finn was scared he had actually drowned.</p><p>He was wrong. </p><p>It was fear. Simple fear. Cold, horrible fear that manifested as dark pillars, their shadows concealing all light. Fear of weakness, of being rejected, of making a mistake, of disappointment and of being disappointed. Fear that they are only using you, fear they don’t really care, fear that you’re really all alone...</p><p>They almost consumed Finn, too much like his own, too much like the thoughts he tried to suppress on nights where he was desperate for sleep.</p><p>He felt himself fade too quickly, too enmeshed in this final defense of Kylo’s mind. He was close to succumbing, scared and unsure of what he was feeling, regretting his decision to enter the other man’s mind, anger at exposing himself to this bedlam. </p><p>He wanted to escape, to leave, <em>go</em>, to run back to the comfort of his own mind, isolated and quiet. </p><p>There was a light in the distance, a small light, twinkling distantly like a star. It grew larger and larger as it approached and Finn had to close his eyes tightly to avoid being blinded in the darkness. He shut them tightly and waited for the next trial of the mind, the next obstacle to oust him. </p><p>“Finn.”</p><p>The voice was solid and sweet to his ears.</p><p>It was familiar.</p><p>“Poe,” he breathed, quietly. </p><p>In excitement, Finn began to reach out but stopped himself just short.  He was suddenly acutely conscious of where he was, what he’d been through, and he was frightened. Frightened that this may be another challenge. Frightened he would phase through the man in front of him and be reminded of the harsh reality. </p><p>Of all the tribulations he’d been through since he’d entered Kylo’s mind, that would hurt the most. </p><p>The man in front of him seemed to sense Finn’s hesitation. He reached out and the younger man shuddered as warm fingers lightly grazed his cheek. The figure smiled. “It’s really me, Finn.”</p><p>Slowly and carefully, Finn mimicked the gesture, still afraid this may all be a hallucination. He started with a slight touch, feather-light, as if the older man was a piece of glass threatening to shatter. His touches became bolder as the man -- <em> Poe </em> --  felt more solid beneath him, more real. He outlined the shape of the pilot’s face and slowly traced each feature before finally drawing two fingers down the edge of the pilot’s jaw.</p><p>He let out a small, disbelieving sigh. “You’re real? You’re really here?”</p><p>“In a way,” Poe smiled, a sparkle in his eye as he basked in the presence of the younger man. “We’re connected by the Force. I drew on Kylo Ren’s link to it to become visible to you, and become more solid.”</p><p>Finn shook his head, confused. “I don’t get it. Kylo’s link to it?” He reasoned, remembering what the knight had said, “Are you stuck in Ren’s mind or something?” </p><p>“Well,” the pilot grinned. He slung an arm around and scratched the back of his head, struggling to find the words to explain. “It’s not like that exactly. I’m here and I’m not here, if that makes sense.”</p><p>Finn lifted an eyebrow. “It really doesn’t,” A beat passed before his lips curled upwards, voice full of growing excitement, “But I don’t think I care if I get it or not. You’re here!”</p><p>Poe returned the expression and moved in to embrace him. It was familiar and sorely missed: warm, full of affection, secure. The pilot’s head curled so his nose could nestle in the crook of the younger man’s neck. He closed his eyes and breathed him in. “I’m here.”</p><p>Finn clutched onto him tightly. He remained as still as he could as he held the other man, afraid that any sudden movements might cause him to disappear. His other senses cautiously joined in. The smell of X-Wing oil that seemed to cling to his skin. The playfully confident cadence of Poe’s voice. Finn pulled back and leaned in to kiss the other man.</p><p>Tastes just like him, too.</p><p>Finn broke the kiss with a contented smile and played with the hair on the back of the pilot’s neck. “I suppose we can’t stay like this forever, can we?”</p><p>Poe looked down sheepishly, “I’m afraid not.”</p><p>“But will I be able to see you again?” Finn asked, soberly. “I mean, if I enter like this. If I learn to concentrate and train in the Force, can I, what is that you said, allow you to link to my Force energy and appear to me?”</p><p>“Finn,” Poe began. His voice had a cryptic quality to it and the younger man knew him well enough to know when he was about to dodge a question. “This planet, it’s different. It’s between life and death. It’s what’s made all this possible, Finn. Without it, and the Force and...” he trailed off.</p><p>“And?” Finn encouraged. </p><p>The pilot bit his lower lip, agonizing over the next words. “And Kylo Ren,” he finished without flourish. The pilot had expected a bigger reaction from the younger man but Finn remained intent, hanging onto each word. “I don’t get all this Force stuff either but it’s real. You’ve seen it. And Kylo Ren’s mind….it’s a chaotic maze, but it’s highly ordered, Finn, and I have a place here among the chaos. It’s hidden away but full of light and good.”</p><p>“You have a place here. In Kylo Ren’s mind,” Finn repeated, flatly, processing each word. “What exactly are you trying to say to me, Poe?”</p><p>“There is a man there as well, an essence, a conscience,” Poe answered. “One that is being bogged down and desperate to be released.”</p><p>Finn shook his head, vigorously. “I need this spelled out for me.”</p><p>Poe cursed to himself, frustrated. “I’m not like you and Rey and Kylo Ren, Finn,” he explained. “I can’t communicate this as well as I could if I had your abilities. If I could use the Force, I could just zap it into your mind like it was into mine.”</p><p>Finn wanted to press him more, to understand exactly what the pilot was trying to say but before he could he was struck with a strange, overwhelming feeling.</p><p>He was running out of time. </p><p>“Poe,” he said in a hurry. “I don’t care about all this, about Ren’s mind, the Force and the secrets of the Universe. All I care about right now is if I can see you again. If I do this again, exactly what I did, can I see you? And please answer the question, yes or no. Nothing cryptic, please, just yes or no.”</p><p>Poe thought about the question over a long pause. “I’ll always be around, Finn.” </p><p>Finn sighed in frustration. He smiled, defeated, as he leaned to press his forehead against the pilot’s. “Do you know you’re one of the most irritating people in this universe, dead or alive?” he whispered, gently.</p><p>“I’m the best at everything I do,” Poe replied, equally gentle. “Finn?”</p><p>Finn’s eyes fluttered shut, savoring the moment. “Yeah?”</p><p>He laughed, softly. “I might have been wrong about the whole ‘we don’t need to wait for Rey’ thing.”</p><p>Eyes still shut, Finn joined in on the hushed laughter. “The bright side of all this: we finally figured out what it takes to make the great Poe Dameron admit he’s made a mistake.”</p><p>“I said ‘might,’ don’t go telling everyone back on base anything different, okay?” Poe leaned in further, lips first, landing a peck on Finn’s before he untangled himself from the younger man. </p><p>Finn felt cold and empty without Poe’s body close to him. </p><p>“It’s time, isn’t it?” Finn said, a note of sorrow in his voice. Poe gave a single, silent nod. Finn returned it. “I guess I should say bye, huh?”</p><p>“I’ll be around,” he replied with wink.</p><p>Laughter bubbled out of the younger man. “Now, that was just out of a bad holodrama. You should have stuck to being aloof about it.” </p><p>There was a warm look in the pilot’s eyes as he began to fade away slowly, as if he’d gotten what he’d most wanted. He returned the expression, beaming, as the remainder of his chest disappeared and worked its way slowly up to his head. </p><p>Faintly, he heard the soft remnant of the other man’s voice: “It’s good to see you smile again, Finn.” </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Nightmare</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I believe (know) I need to go back and edit this since it's not beta read. If anyone knows where to find beta readers, let a sister know!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> It was there again. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The knight was acutely aware of where he was. Day after day, he heard the steady, hypnotic beeps of the ship; felt every inch of his body suffocated in a thick balm of bacta. The tubing of his breathing apparatus, so uncomfortable and foreign, scratched against the inside of his nostrils with every breath. The medbay of the Finalizer was more conducive to torture than it was healing. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It was a forsaken place where his only visitors were the med-droids that monitored his progress. He’d been pathetically defeated  at Starkiller and suffered the indignity of being rescued by Hux moments before the planet’s implosion. That same Hux who'd come to visit him once, just shortly after he had stabilized. He had stood silently, gazing at his damaged body with a murderous resentment. His fury filled the space, just as the Supreme Leader’s disappointment in him filled his mind.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The apparition in front of him came and went without warning. There were days when it would appear to him, so near he could reach out and touch them if he wished. They were an outline of a body, a humanoid, with no features he could discern. A shadowy figure that mirrored his position, suspended in time and space.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> His body had been destroyed but his mind was alive and the events of Starkiller rushed through his mind every second. His failure and his weakness were like knives. He’d tried to kill the past and he accomplished it.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Han Solo was dead.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yet if the past was dead, why did the pull of the light become stronger? Why was he still being torn apart? Why hadn’t his agony ceased and his destiny been fulfilled? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He wanted to scream. He wanted to destroy something. He tried to call his lightsaber to him, to break the transparisteel that held him and the bacta together. He wanted to be free.   </em>
</p><p>
  <em> In his turmoil, he’d called to the figure, assaulted it with his thoughts and emotions: “Why don’t you speak? Why are you taunting me?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The figure didn’t respond to the knight’s calls. For the first time, they shifted towards him, floating through the space between their bodies. They had a mask of darkness instead of a face but in that abyss, there was warmth and comfort. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The knight’s heartbeat quickened and faintly, he heard the med-droid’s alarmed beeping. The figure reached out and the knight felt a pair of hands on either side of his face, warm and knowledgeable, drawing heated patterns on his skin. He withered and pushed himself back, trying to escape the overwhelming tactile sensations.  </em>
</p><p><em> It’d been so lonely and t</em> <em>he need to fulfill the terrible emptiness within would consume him.  </em></p><p>
  <em> The knight closed his eyes and let the touch consume him. The figure’s hands traveled down the side of his face, down his neck. The feather-light touches electrified something deep within the knight. Now, his heart rate slowed; the sting of his wounds dissipating. The fingers crept down his chest and healed him. He felt whole, complete, and he drew on the warmth of the shadow in front of him for comfort. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It was pitiful how he shivered when the figure’s touch disappeared without warning. He scrambled to reach out again, searching through the interstitial space for a sign of their presence but he only found emptiness. It was worse than anything he’d ever felt before.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He waited for the figure to return again but they never came and again, he was empty and alone. </em>
</p><hr/><p>The Stormtrooper’s presence was as subtle as a blackhole, both inside and outside of his mind. </p><p>Kylo laid in the darkness, his body tense with rage, as he listened to the younger man’s even breathing. The knight hadn’t realized the assault on his mind until it was too late, too distracted by his own mind playing tricks on him, dragging him back to the past and the memories he desperately tried to vanquish. The natural defenses of his mind had failed him and Resistance fighter waded through the layers of his consciousness until he finally reached the place that even the knight himself could not access. </p><p>Shame, anger, and humiliation warred as flashes of memory battled for his attention - the blurred image of the pilot’s face, the ‘trooper’s quiet laughter, the light that blinded him as he tried to approach them. It took all his strength to keep his inner turmoil from being projected to the Force-sensitive individual next to him.</p><p>This was the same ‘trooper that roamed the corridors of the Finalizer undetected by him, his knights, and Snoke himself. The burst of power he exhibited was beyond anything even the scavenger could dream of, powerful as she was, and yet he had remained hidden, almost protected by the Force itself. It was the strength that the knight had been seeking his entire life and this...this <em>stormtrooper</em> possessed it without his knowledge. Kylo's teeth gritted furiously at the thought. What had he sacrificed for? What did his bloodline mean if a meaningless scavenger and a mindless stormtrooper could possess the same strength it took him <em>years</em> to harness?</p><p>Finn shifted on the bed and let out a groan. The younger man’s leg was still bandaged tightly, and they wouldn’t be able to leave this house until he could walk without the need of the make-shift cane they had fashioned for him. However, it didn't seem to matter to their hosts, who seemed more than happy to have them. They looked at their guests as if they were part of their family; the young woman gazing at them as if they were brothers, the ones who had protected her like she protected the younger boys. She thinks they’ll give up trying to go to town. She thinks they'll stay and wait for the First Order with them. </p><p>It was sentimental nonsense. They would only disappoint her when they leave. </p><p>Finn adjusted himself again. He hadn’t heard their conversation but he knew that the 'trooper had made contact with the pilot. The same pilot who must be feeling smugly proud of himself, Kylo thought with scorn. The same pilot who spent night after night terrorizing him, plaguing his dreams and thoughts with images of the ‘trooper.</p><p>The ‘trooper smiling with an orange and white astromech droid; the ‘trooper looking sheepish in the cockpit of an X-Wing; the ‘trooper laughing; the 'trooper's sleeping face, so peaceful, so open; the ‘trooper laying on his stomach, on his side, on his back; the 'trooper on top of him and smiling down blissfully; <em>the ‘trooper cautiously reaching out to caress, to touch, to stroke...</em></p><p>
  <em>I love you, Poe.</em>
</p><p>Kylo jolted upright. His breathing threatened to quicken but he regained control as swiftly as the thought occurred. These visions were becoming more vivid and slowly, he found himself unable to discern dreams from reality. His mind was strong enough to hold the pilot’s consciousness but in his weakened state, he faltered. The order of his mind was beginning to crack under the strain. That first night they had set out, he noticed it. How the ‘trooper would look at him with harshness, devoid of the tenderness and affection the 'trooper wore in his visions. In those fleeting moments, there was regret, pain, a desire to see the 'trooper's eyes shine brightly. It festered in him like the light.</p><p>Even now, in the dim of the early morning light, his mind attempts to betray him and he fought to stay angry as another agonized groans escape the younger man’s lips. It was the pilot's influence, Kylo reassured himself, and when he had destroyed the pilot's spirit and driven out his consciousness, he will finally be able to purge himself of these emotions. <em>Until then... </em></p><p>Quietly and cautiously, the knight rose. His steps are soft but there is a moaning creak to the floorboards as his weight strains against them. He notices the younger man stir and quickly, his presence fills the room, alert and on guard. Kylo watched as Finn’s eyes fluttered open, still full of sleep but hard, prepared for the knight’s rage. </p><p>The knight was backlit by the moonlight that streamed through the window. He looked more like a shadow than a man. “I suppose it’s only fair you do the same to me,” Finn whispered impassively. When there was no movement from Kylo, his whisper became harsh and impatient: “I said, go ahead.”</p><p>“You have an anger in you,” Kylo intoned. “I can sense it, unwieldy and knotted. When you entered my mind, you tapped into that anger. When you confronted those marauders, it burned brightly and awakened the Force within you.”</p><p>Finn felt his heart skip a beat at the mention of what had happened that afternoon. He didn’t let his tone betray him, keeping his voice steady. “It’s too early for this, Ren. Either do what it is you were planning or leave me ---”</p><p>“Don’t fear it,” Kylo interrupted, leaning in close to whisper into the younger man’s ear. A chill went up Finn’s back as he retreated further into his bed. Kylo’s fingers were like icicles as they pressed deeply into the sides of his face. The knight’s breath played against his ear drum, the reverberation of his voice heightening the physical sensation of the warm air: “You felt a kinship to the scavenger when you met her, didn’t you? The flame in you recognized the one in her. I felt it, too.”</p><p>“Her name is Rey,” Finn said through gritted teeth as he attempted to resist the knight’s probe. “And she didn’t buy what you were selling either.”</p><p>“Her awakening was distracting. She has an undisciplined mind that projected her presence through the Force,” the knight ignored him. “But your mind has been tempered as a result of your training, you were able to hide yourself longer. But you can’t hide any longer, FN-2187.”</p><p>A dark mist clouded Finn’s vision as the knight spoke. Suddenly, the ground opened up underneath him, and like the nightmares that plagued him as a cadet, he felt himself being swallowed into the free-fall. He jerked with a gasp, fighting for air, feeling as though he were being smothered, desperate to land, flailing, searching for something to hold onto. Beneath him was darkness and then just as shut his eyes, ready to scream, there was nothing left in him. A blank, hollow sensation consumed him, a numbness, a lack of feeling.</p><p>His emotions swirled wildly above his head like a cloud at the mouth of the pit, out of control and out of his reach. </p><p>In his newfound tranquility, he found his steady heartbeat and let his eyes flicker open. It was Poe staring down at him and he was smiling brilliantly at him. Finn smiled back instinctively, a warmth creeping up from the pit of his belly at the sight of the pilot. His eyes roamed around the room. <em> It was their bunk</em>, and there was Poe, smiling down at him. </p><p>Finn laughed, an almost hysterical spurt of hard breaths and noise. It had all been a dream, just a nightmare. A nightmare just like all the others that had haunted him after Starkiller; when he’d spent weeks in that bacta tank, alone and confused. Even then, it was the thought of Poe that had kept him going and gave him comfort as he floated in silence. Even then, he reached out to touch that being whose presence was so vulnerable, so comforting, <em>so lonely</em>. Now, once again, Poe’s face was staring down at him...but those dark eyes now seemed so void of their usual brightness; the lines on his face set so deeply they looked like scars. </p><p>“No,” Finn breathed out shakily. “Poe, please don’t go. Please, Poe...”</p><p>The pilot’s face twisted and contorted in a horrifying spiral until Kylo’s angular countenance reemerged. Kylo’s face was framed by a wild mane and sweat had caused the loose strands of hair to stick to his forehead and the sides of his face. His eyes were wild as emotions played across his face: anger, guilt, vengeance...triumph. </p><p>The younger man shook his head to dispel the unwanted images and nearly lost consciousness as a fresh wave of pain swamped his already weakened defenses. "No!" he whispered, again.</p><p>Without warning, the image of Poe reappeared. His fingers pressed harshly into the flesh of the younger man’s neck and Finn struggled for air. Again, his eyes flew open, and his gasp was discernible above the loud smacks of sand against the siding of the house. The knight tensed, startled by the younger man's abrupt reaction, and as he stared down at the figure on the bed, he saw different eyes staring back at him, eyes filled with sadness instead of anger.</p><p>Slowly, the dark fog began to recede.</p><p>Again, it was Kylo who stood over him but this time, real and solid. His face was absent of any emotion but there was a ominous storm in his eyes as they bore into the younger man’s.</p><p>“That was your only warning,” Kylo whispered, low. “I allowed you in once, but if you try again in the future, I will destroy your mind like I should have when I had the chance.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Not a spoiler, but as I was writing this, I legit whispered, "And they were roommates/a dyad...!"</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Recondition</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The young woman couldn’t help but notice that both men looked tired every morning. They haven’t collapsed just yet so she figured they must sleep sometimes. However, each day as she cataloged the ever-increasing sunkenness of their eyes and growing irritation in their scowls, she became certain that sleep was an elusive experience for the pair. Since that first night they stayed, there had been nothing but silence. She slept lightly those first few nights, still un-trusting and weary of their new guests. After she had grown accustomed to them, allowing herself to sleep deeper and deeper. It was only that one night — she figured about a month ago —when she’d heard them whispering and shuffling around in the darkness that their presence in the dark home had startled her awake. It had gone on for a little while but just as suddenly as it’d started, silence befell the house. After that, she couldn’t recall anything else. </p><p>She wondered if perhaps the accommodations weren’t comfortable. They had the two beds and the cot; one bed in the main area and the other bed and the cot in the side room. The oldest of the boys couldn’t crawl into bed with her anyone — even if he wanted — but the little one could, so she’d given up her bed to the younger man. He needed it, too: his wound was healing nicely but it was clear he downplayed his pain. His name was Finn and she’d never in her life heard a name like it. It was so short, starting as quickly as is ended. Curious, though, was when she told him how much she liked his name; the young man seemed so sad and so pleased all in one. She was curious about those unhappy eyes that never stopped twinkling, but she knew it was the kind of curiosity that only led to other questions and a lot of grief. </p><p>She didn’t want to see Finn sad. He was so gentle and kind even in pain, playing with the boys, imitating scenes from old comics and telling them about all the other planets in the universe. He’d seen so much, and she couldn’t help but listen in and wonder if she’d ever be able to go to a planet as green as Takodana or Yavin 4. Finn loved Yavin 4 and secretly, she wondered if that was his home. </p><p>The older man was different though. He was the one Finn addressed bitterly — always so bitterly, even when he tried to hide it — as Ren. She recalled that the younger man had said on that first day: <em>we’re not friends, trust me</em>. And she trusted him, she trusted him more than she's trusted anyone in a long time, but as the days passed, neither of them gave any clue as to what their true relationship was. Judging by their names, they were off-worlders but she couldn't figure out why off-worlders would ever chose to come here. She had no illusions about the state of her planet and the harshness of the desert; she would leave if she could afford it. But they had chosen to come here, and to live in the desert. <em>But why?</em> They were in bad shape that first day when they approached the house, leaning against each other as if they would collapse without the weight of the other. They weren't friends but they were comrades, she decided eventually. Yet in the house the pair rarely spoke to each other: Finn staring mindlessly into space until the children disrupted him while Ren meditated. </p><p>“The caravan comes through about once a month to drop off supplies. They used to track the activities of gangs and come through if it was safe to come,” she explained. They wanted to leave although she didn’t know where or what they were hoping to find. <em> It would be better if they stayed</em>, she thought with a touch of sadness. She knew she was silly to be disappointed: they were never planning to stay but she’d gotten her hope up anyways. “This month’s shipment is a little late but I figure it’s because there’s no gang to track. They must be weary as to where they are.”</p><p>They buried each of the marauders at Finn’s insistence. That was one of the few times Ren and Finn spoke to each other: the older man wanted to throw them in one hole and be done with it; the younger man insisted they each be given their own plot. They stared each other down for a long while and it was only the littlest boy breaking out into tears that broke the tension. </p><p>In the end, Ren dug ten holes and buried them all by himself in the blazing heat. Finn was still too weak to help, but he watched silently from the window as Ren dug and dragged, over and over again. </p><p>“Thank you for everything you’ve done for us,” Finn smiled. He had the rucksack on, the blaster in his waistband. His wound wasn’t fully healed but it was enough, he insisted, to travel on. “If we see the caravan, we’ll let them know it’s safe.”</p><p>“We didn’t do anything but shoot you,” she laughed. She didn’t want to be alone again but she couldn’t ask them to stay. “You are the one that saved us from those marauders. We should be thanking you.”</p><p>She met Ren’s eyes and held them. Faintly, he reminded her of an old fortune reader she’d visited as a child. They both had that same knowing stare, like they knew all of your guilty thoughts. Like always, Finn’s gaze cut the other man off. “We’ll come back,” Finn said, gently and kindly as he always was. “When we find what we’re looking for, we’ll come back, okay?”</p><p>The young woman’s eyes widened. She wouldn’t let herself cry. “We’ll be here,” she replied.</p><p>Before he turned in the direction of the town, Finn gave her one last smile and she could have sworn that smile had the same knowledge as Ren’s eyes.</p><hr/><p>The town was a desolate wasteland, a no-man’s land whose only inhabitants were the sound of unsecured window shutters and the harsh whistle of the wind.</p><p>Finn scanned the area through narrowed eyes, but his visibility was limited by the raging storm. Everywhere he looked, there were signs of life that has been disrupted. The people who lived here had no advance warning of whatever it was that happened to them. “What happened?” he muttered under his breath. “The bandits?”</p><p>“There’s no way that group of thieves did this,” Kylo responded after performing his own assessment. “They would have burned the place down after they were done.”</p><p>With a jolt of adrenaline, Finn straightened as he realized what had been bothering him. “Where is everyone? It’s not big but this town looks like it could have had over 200 people.”</p><p>There were no traces of blood, no shattered transparisteel, no signs of violence. “They could have fled,” the knight offered. </p><p>The corner of Finn’s mouth went slack. “All 200 of them?” he questioned dryly. He gazed out at the empty road again. He trained his eyes on a small child’s toy, abandoned outside a structure. “Besides, even if they did, Ren, what were they fleeing from?”</p><p>Kylo didn’t answer. Instead, he drifted toward a nearby building marked with what it was: <em>Cantina</em>. He peered through the window and turned over his shoulder to address Finn: “It’s empty but there are glasses on the tables. Some are still full.” </p><p>Finn suddenly began to feel uneasy as he approached the knight. “We’re being watched, aren’t we?”</p><p>“Yes, we are,” was the simple reply. </p><p>The knight’s presence — perturbed and suspicious —  betrayed the calm on his face. His Force abilities were still unrefined but over the last month, Finn had been slowly gaining control of his newfound power. After that night with Kylo, he’d refrained from anything that had to do with probing into minds. He’d been able to live his life up until now without entering a mind, and after he’d seen the unfiltered horrors that lie just beneath the surface, he was more than content in abandoning further efforts. However, he couldn’t help but notice feelings — they lingered in the air, attacking him until he acknowledged them, and some projected themselves so loudly, it felt almost like he was feeling them himself. That first week after he’d discovered his abilities was the most painful; being around the children, so unguarded, their emotions constantly changing, had given him a non-stop headache.</p><p>But he didn’t sense any feelings now. Just that eerie human feeling of being watched and stalked like you’re prey. It was that same feeling he had felt when he sat alone at night, simultaneously standing vigil and guard over the knight’s body. Finn wasn’t sure if it was just the emptiness of a town with all the fixings of life or something more sinister. </p><p>“What do we do?” The question dropped out of his mouth before he realized he’d asked it. For a moment, he’d forgotten who he was with. Finn knew they had to work together, that they already had been, but it was still like the twist of a knife to be so dependent on Kylo. He was uneasy, a million eyes on him that he couldn't see, and deep within him, a native fear rose up and begged for comfort, for something to lean on. For the first time, he felt like the traitor — to the Resistance, to Rey, to Poe, to himself. Maybe Kylo had been right on Takodana after all. “We have to find out what happened here. There’s just no way everyone in town up and left. Doesn’t the caravan come through here?”</p><p>Kylo’s eyes were searching for an answer. “She said the shipment was late this month,” he mused. He turned to address his companion: “We won’t learn anything standing around here.”</p><p>Finn’s eyebrow rose, skeptical. “Are you suggesting we split up?”  </p><p>“Do you have any other suggestions?”</p><p>He didn't want to separate. It would be better if they explored the town together; it was safer. But he wouldn't admit his nervousness to the knight; his weakness was his own. Finn took a step back towards the main road, but with that small movement the little dark dots clouding his vision seemed to be vibrating. <em>It was a stifling in the direct sun. </em>Maybe it was better to separate. At least that way, he could let his guard down and <em>breathe</em>. </p><p>“No,” Finn replied finally. “If we don’t mind anything, we’ll meet back here. We don’t have a chrono so we’ll have to go by the sun. You know how?”</p><p>Kylo’s mind seemed to go somewhere far away. A beat later, he muttered, so quietly Finn didn’t know if it was meant as a reply: “It was the only way on Ajan Kloss.”</p><p>It was an uncharacteristically vague answer from the normally blunt man. Finn filed the name away, unsure if it would be useful to know in the future. “So I’ll take it as a yes?”</p><p>The knight seemed to snap back to reality with a sullen scowl. “Yes.”</p><p>“Fine,” Finn replied. He offered Kylo the second blaster they’d gotten from the young woman. “Here. I’ll walk up the street and work my way down. When it’s 1600 hours, we’ll meet back here.”</p><p>The knight took the blaster and nodded. Without another word, he entered the cantina and for a second, Finn wishes he’d ordered the knight up the street instead. He could really use a drink right about now. </p><hr/><p>
  <em> He was being watched...Eyes following him… </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Each building was empty, filled with the signs of life without any in them… </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Where were they…(He was being watched)…Where are they… </em>
</p><p>
  <em> They’re getting closer...he can’t see them (where are they?) but they’re getting closer… </em>
</p><p>
  <em> There’s no one behind him. No one beside him. His head feels like it’s moving in a circle, trying to watch the watchers...</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The heat was suffocating and his wounds throbbed with dull pain. He just wants to stop moving. He wants to lie down and close his eyes. He wants Poe. He wants Rey. He wants Poe. Why did it have to be Poe? He’s been alone too long; he'd been alone too long. They hadn't had much time together; it's not fair. He doesn’t want to be alone. He's selfish. He’s not brave, he’s not a hero, he doesn’t care about the Resistance. He should have ran when he had the chance then Poe would still be alive. It was his fault; it was all his fault. If he'd only listened to that command in the village. If only...he wasn't so lonely, he hates Kylo Ren but sometimes he has to remind himself to hate. He's spineless, fickle. A coward, weak, a stormtrooper. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>No, he was something worse. He was a traitor: to the Resistance, to Rey, to Poe, to himself. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Because sometimes, he has to remind himself to hate.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Because sometimes, he doesn't hate.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Because sometimes, he thinks they made a good team...   </em>
</p><p>Suddenly, there was splitting pain at the back of Finn’s head and slow, darkness clouded his vision as he fell, hard, onto the dirt path beneath him.</p><hr/><p>The first thing Finn was aware of was the pain in his ribs and a dull throbbing in his skull that left him simultaneously breathless and nauseous. The acrid smells of fried electrics and hot metal overlay other odors, from which his detached mind instinctively recoiled, wandering off instead in search of other senses to interrogate. He raised a hand to his head, feeling warm stickiness there.</p><p>Alarm rose in him as his addled brain refused to supply him with a context for any of it. Vertigo gripped him and he closed them again hurriedly, breathing through the nausea that threatened to overwhelm him. He winced as he tried to breathe more deeply than his bruised ribs dictated was wise.</p><p>He tried to rise but he was unsteady and his bound hands made it impossible for him to balance himself or break his fall. There was a hearty laugh as he fell and he felt eyes boring into his skull. </p><p>“Ah, F-N-2-1-8-7,” the voice enunciated. “I’ll never forget the designation.”</p><p>The marauder’s voice echoed in his mind: <em> There is a deranged former First Order officer…</em></p><p>Finn felt the blindfold being ripped off his face. The light was dim but the sudden illumination stung. He shut his eyes tightly before blinking in the image of the older man in front of him. The still shadowy figure grabbed a handful of loc’d hair and forced Finn to look up at him. Unfortunately, the face was familiar to the younger man.</p><p>The man wore a cruel smile, shaking his head in disbelief. “Nice to see you again, Eight Seven.”</p><p>The younger man held his gaze for a brief moment before twisting his head away, a look of disgust on his face. It was a face he hadn't seen in over eight standard years but the abhorrence when he saw it was as fresh as the day. </p><p>"What," the man asked, mockingly. "Not happy to see me?" </p><p>“Not at all,” Finn spat. He added after a beat, “Lieutenant.”</p><p>The grip on his hair tightened. “It’s General now.”</p><p>“General,” the younger man obliged with a bow of his head, his tone tinged with sarcasm. “What do you want with me?”</p><p>“We have unfinished business, you and I.”</p><p>“I don’t remember ever having any business with you.”</p><p>“Oh, but you do,” the Lieutenant, now General, explained. “You see, I had a nice and profitable operation in the First Order. Lots of little places to skim a little off the top, and a nice, easy group of brain-dead loyalists to command. I was doing just fine for myself...”</p><p>“You certainly were,” he muttered.</p><p>“— until you came along. You know you were really the perfect theoretical soldier except for the fact that you were a spineless coward, of course. But that was fine by me, Eight Seven, I didn’t care that you were too tender-hearted. I didn’t need you to shoot anyone and if we went planet-side, well, then you’d die and be replaced by another cadet the next day. Why should I worry myself with all the work it takes to report your faults?”</p><p>“How courteous of you,” Finn sneered. </p><p>The other man’s eye twitched as the rest of his face twisted in contempt. “But you were an honest little coward, weren’t you? You wouldn’t kill for the Order — your basic duty, your only purpose in life as a worthless, disposable <em> drone</em>! — yet you had no problem telling Captain Phasma about my harmless little dealings.”</p><p>Finn’s brow furrowed in anger, “I didn’t say anything for a long time, about a lot of the other stuff you did. But <em> that</em>...”</p><p>“They were <em>Twi'lek</em> <em>girls</em>! What else are they good for?” His nostrils flared in anger and Finn waited for him to continue. Instead, he released Finn, shoving him onto his back in the process, and turned toward the doorway, and the two guards stood framed within it. The ‘General’ cleared his throat. He was calm now, a sharp contrast from the wild eyed man he was a moment before. “Well, that's all behind us now, isn't it? For the better, as I say. After I lost my commission in the First Order, I was able to travel the galaxy and find an organization that appreciated my talent.”</p><p>“What? The Hutt crime syndicate?” Finn laughed, half expecting to be corrected.</p><p>“Where talent and loyalty is rewarded, you traitor,” the general spat. “I am creating a New First Order. One where priorities are in line,” Then the general sucked his teeth in a mix of disappointment and disgust, "Except for those moronic drunkards. I offer them commissions as long as they acted as my enforcers and now they're late to report back.”</p><p>“A New First Order?” Finn scoffed with contempt, now realizing those marauders were empowered by the man in front of him. Finn wouldn't tell the general that he shouldn't expect them back soon. “On this planet? You realize it's dying —”</p><p>“Shut up!” he snarled through gritted teeth. “You and all those stupid natives, droning on and on about the sun! I offered them a chance to be <em>respectable</em> citizens of a new Empire but instead they chose to be backwards imbeciles!” </p><p>Finn almost pitied the man. He believed what he was saying. “What happened to them?”</p><p>He chuckled. It was a cruel thing and suddenly, he regretted asking the question. “Now, FN-2187, you must have gone on a ground mission by now. It's what the Order does to all civilians who don't fall in line. Of course, I couldn't just burn the town down, I still need it and I would have hated to waste time cleaning the splatter of the walls. It's such a hassle," Finn's breathing became heavier as the anger bubbled up from his gut. The other man seemed to notice and chuckled, "Oh, well, we still lined them up and well,<em> you know</em>,” he wore a haughty expression as he stared into the younger man's eyes. “The old regime had a few good ideas at the very least, didn't they, FN-2187? That, and for instance, reconditioning.”</p><p>It had been so long since there was the threat of reconditioning that the term almost took a few moments to register. He'd already forgotten how horrific it could be. The 'troopers were human and even years of First Order propaganda couldn't take their humanity from them. But reconditioning could. It made you mindless: eat, drink, sleep, die for the Order. That's all you'd think and know after reconditioning. </p><p>“What a lovely expression,” There was another stream of laughter from the other man. “Are you surprised? Surely, you remember the punishment for disobeying a command from a superior.”</p><p>“You don't have the equipment here to recondition anything,” Finn hissed. “And I didn't betray a command. Last time I checked, you were the one who was decommission!”</p><p>“I told you to shut up!” the other man raised his hand to strike but stopped half-way through the air as footsteps approached in the hallway. The hand, shaking with pent up anger, retreated slowly as the general smile, slow and menacingly. He straightened himself, pulling at the hem of his tattered First Order officer's uniform and running a hand through his now disheveled hair. “You're right, FN-2187, I don't have the <em>equipment</em> to recondition you.”</p><p>The two men parted to reveal the man behind him. Finn squirmed to get a better look.</p><p>“But there is someone who can do it without any need for equipment.”</p><p>There was a presence now and Finn's stomach twisted into a knot. <em>No.</em> </p><p>“Someone who can recondition your mind without the need for the surgery.”</p><p>He hoped it was another being, another deranged maniac with delusions of grandeur living their power fantasy. </p><p>
  <em>Against his will, he hoped.</em>
</p><p>“Do you find the arrangements satisfactory, Lord Ren?”</p><p>
  <em>Against his will, he wished.</em>
</p><p>Clothed in a poor but clean imitation of a standard issue First Order uniform, Kylo stepped towards the struggling figure on the floor and smiled with only half his face. "Ideal."</p><p>
  <em>Against his will, his heart sank.</em>
</p><p>Only the bunching of the muscles in shoulders and neck and the tightly clenched fists betrayed the younger man's tension. "I hope this is worth it."</p><p>
  <em>Against his will, he was disappointed.</em>
</p><p>His head still held high, the knight gazed down at the younger man with contempt: “You have no one else but yourself to blame for this.” </p><p>
  <em>Against his will, Finn felt betrayed. </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Alliance</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He would kill Kylo Ren if he ever got out of this cell. </p><p>It was a bleak place with just one bed and a decaying toilet with exposed piping. The concrete walls were, a lifeless gray, seemed to close in on him slowly, and he didn't know if the floor, a dirtied beige clay, was stained with his blood or someone else's. It was beginning to worry him that the isolation was affecting him. He'd never been alone, always surrounded by 'troopers then by Rey, Han, <em>Poe</em> — eating, sleeping, training, laughing, and  sharing, sharing caresses, warm touches, the sensation of lips against skin. He gasped softly then straighten in the uncomfortable bed, again snapped back to reality. Even after he'd landed, he'd had Kylo Ren. Now, he couldn't even track the time — losing whole stretches of the day, trapped in the eternity between one moment and the next. He needed to focus; he knew that his mental confusion was getting worse with each passing hour, that there was an unearthly touch to every waking moment. Sleep eluded him; and in the long night, he was jittery and uneasy. Sometimes he thinks none of it is real. Sometimes he thinks that maybe he is still in the bacta tank, living through a never-ending nightmare. </p><p>
  <em>He felt like an idiot.</em>
</p><p>No, this was <em>real</em>. His anger was too solid, too concrete, the only thing that grounded him when he felt his mind float into the ether. He was going to <em>die</em> here, and it angered him like nothing else. The First Order, he’d <em> survived</em>. The crash, he’d <em> survived</em>. The desert, he’d <em> survived</em>. The marauders, he’s <em> survived</em>. He’d stupidly convinced himself that he’d survived Kylo Ren, too. <em> What an idiot he was</em>. It was the first threat he’d faced, the one that had the cunning to lay hidden until it could strike. </p><p>The knight had only come to taunt him that day and the threat of reconditioning only loomed in the air. But Finn knew there was no point to reconditioning him. Regardless of why he did it, the older man knew just as well as he did that the 'general' was unstable. He would probably go into his mind and play a tortuous game, the same thing he’d done to Poe and the same thing he'd subjected him to that night in the house. <em>He would know he was too tired to defend himself.</em> There was only one way this would end; only one way it made sense. Finn laughed to himself, the little noise filling the room, and he worried for a split second if he was as losing his mind.</p><p>Apart from the innate horror of his situation, there were worse ways to go, he guessed. Mainly though, he wouldn’t let them have the satisfaction of seeing fear in his eyes. </p><p>When the time came, he would think about Poe’s smile, and the warmth in his dark brown eyes when they rested on him. Finn didn’t know what happened after you died but he knows that Poe — and that was <em> Poe</em>, really him, not some approximation, not a memory — was still here. And if Finn has his way, he’ll enter the knight’s mind and haunt him for as long as he lives. </p><p><em>No</em>, his whole body ached and throbbed but he had to escape. He’d escaped from the<em>Finalizer</em>, the flagship of the First Order. What is this subterranean box in comparison? </p><p>So he watched and waited. He listened carefully to the guard activity. The 'general' was a First Order officer and Finn was at an advantage there: he knew exactly what the man expected from his "loyal" troops. He knew when they changed guards, when his meals would come, their weapons, the temperaments of the first shift guards, the tempers of the second shift guards. The only thing he didn’t know was how quick reinforcements would get there if someone sounded the alarm and how many. They would bring him food two times a day and before they entered the cell, they peered through the door's slit. If he was pacing his cell, they were alert but if he was in the bed, they would stroll in casually. There was no where to hide in the small cell. He couldn't surprise them that way — besides, if they didn't see him in the bed, they wouldn't enter. He needed them to approach him.</p><p>The two guards on the second shift — it must be night — were growing careless. They spoke too loud, about things too personal. He'd let them think he was weak and lifeless; he'd let them get more and more reckless as they entered and then he'd act quickly. He shivered bitterly as he heard the clattering of the his food tray in the hallway. It was now or never and at least the shivers were real enough.</p><p>The door unlocked with a jarring creak and Finn let out a series of coughs, the clattering of his teeth so loud that the sound ricocheted off the walls. The guard paused briefly and called out to his partner. "Hey, the prisoner's looking pretty bad. Should we call the boss?"</p><p>"He'll bite our heads off if we call him over the sniffles," they called back, uninterested and mildly annoyed. "See if he's actually sick with a fever and all that."</p><p>"Sure," the the other guard called back languidly. "What a kriffin pain in the neck," he muttered as he approached. "It'd be better if ya were dead, then I wouldn't have to be out there all night with that kriffin —"</p><p>Finn grabbed the man by neck and slammed him to the ground. "Hey, what was that —" the other guard rushed into the room, blaster ready to fire at the first thing he saw, but by then, the younger man had taken the poorly secured blaster from the guard on the floor. He fired a single shot at the man's upper thigh and he fell, withering in pain and cursing. It never stopped Finn's heart from aching when he had to hurt someone, without giving them a chance, but they'd kill him if he didn't. He knew he had to do it. Still, he wondered to himself: why does he put himself in a situation where he has to do it at all? </p><p>Finn leaned in close to the man on the floor's face, blaster aimed at the back of his head. "You wanna end up like your buddy or are you going to cooperate with me?"</p><p>The man nodded vehemently, tears in his eyes. </p><p>"Okay, I'm going to lock you in here," Finn said calmly, tilting his head to get a better view of the man's face. "Do you understand?"</p><p>He nodded again with the same vigor.</p><p>"All right, I'm gonna drag your buddy in here, too, so you'll have company. I only just nicked his —"</p><p>An alarm suddenly blared and Finn whirled around to find a bloody trail where the other guard was supposed to be. He cursed and ran towards the exit, mindful enough to still lock the door behind him lest he have two problems instead of one. The alarm going off was always a possibility but he'd hoped that he could be quick enough to beat it by picking each guard off, one-by-one. Finn followed the bloody trail to the body, limp and lifeless, near an emergency lever. The red sirens were thundering in his ears, strobing red lights flashing against the damp concrete hallway. <em>Which way would they come from?</em> The alarm looked basic, decentralized, they would likely need a control panel to isolate where is came from and that would take time. He had some time. He needed to run, hide somewhere. <em>What the hell is everyone? </em></p><p><em>Kriff, his head was pounding right now. </em>His whole body cried out in agony.<em> He had to keep going, he couldn't stop...</em></p><p>Finn ran up a hallway, his mind working quickly to try to find a way out. He couldn't be sure of the path ahead of him as the red light flickered and shimmered on the walls like blood splatter. It made him irrationally convinced that his very next step would plunge him into an abyss. His legs balked and refused to move forward until a combination of fear, adrenaline and that primal urge to <em>survive</em> jolted him forward. <em>Kriff</em>, his throat was parched and at least he could have had his meal before he'd attempted to escape. The thought of the grey mush in the bowl made him nauseous and the feeling went away with the faintest regret. <em>He was still so hungry.</em></p><p>He's underground, he knows this, so he needs to go <em>up</em>. An elevator would be crawling with enemies at this point, if they haven't already locked them down. <em>There must be stairs</em>...maybe something at the end of the hallway? There was an immediate sense of urgency in Finn but as he observed his surroundings, there was...<em>nothing</em>. His only enemy seemed to be the siren and the shadows it's light cast on the nearby wall. He stopped his escape for one moment. <em>Relax, Finn, relax.</em> <em>You have the Force, you don't need to run on instinct anymore...</em>He withdrew further and further inside his mind as his physical senses became increasingly unreliable. He concentrated and against all his First Order programming, he shut his eyes and tried to ignore the noise and lights.</p><p>There was one presence, rushing towards him quickly. </p><p>
  <em>Behind him!</em>
</p><p>Finn whirled around to face his enemy and his eyes were like saucers when he saw the figure slide into view, First Order uniform and all.</p><p>Without realizing it, once again running on instinct, he had the blaster aimed and ready to fire. </p><p><em>Ren</em>. Finn instantly gritted his teeth in anger as scenes of their last encounter flashed through his mind. The knight stopped abruptly, a inflamed expression as he observed the younger man in the hall. If Finn hadn't wanted to savor the moment so much, he'd have shot him just for that look of unjustified anger alone. What right did <em>he</em> have to be upset? It felt like long ago, the first time they had to rely on each other, when he'd warned him: <em>If I were going to shoot you, Ren, it won't be in the back. </em>And Finn meant it; he's been waiting a long time for this.</p><p>He strengthened his vice grip on the weapon. </p><p>The man bellowed over the alarms. “What the hell are you doing?” </p><p>“What am <em> I </em> doing?” Finn repeated, anger bubbling to the surface. Bitterly, the wasted weeks he'd spent helping the knight swam through his mind. Without a thought, he aimed the pilfered blaster at the other man’s arm. Kylo’s eyes flickered between Finn and the blaster as he skirted to the left. The shot grazed his upper right arm and the older man cried out, a harsh guttural noise. Finn took another shot at the knight but this time he ducked behind the corner. “Hold still, you bastard!”</p><p>The young man saw red and he wanted nothing more than to beat Kylo Ren to a pulp. He swallowed the build-up in his mouth and muttered to himself as he posed the blaster to fire again once he rounded the corner. “You had the nerve to call <em>me</em> a traitor...!” </p><p>The blaster poked its nose around the corner before the younger man appeared behind it and he found what he wanted, standing with his hands raised half-heartedly, as if this was a nuisance rather than a threat. </p><p>“Will you put that thing down?” he hissed. Thin lines of smoke snaked upward from his blemished uniform. “Does it look like I’m here to kill you?”</p><p>"Get on your knees," Finn snarled and Kylo managed to achieve the desired position with an embittered growl. The younger man side-stepped him and dug the blaster into his temple. "You have ten seconds before I shoot," Finn announced, looking down at the other man’s hair. <em> Just shoot</em>, he screamed to himself but the white hot rage that motivated him before was elusive now that he could take the shot.</p><p>"This place was full of guards. They were sloppy but they were armed. How far did you expect to get —" Finn dug the blaster deeper into the older man's temple: <em>you have five seconds left.</em> The knight sucked his teeth with churlish resignation. "I was coming to get you out of that cell.”</p><p>"To save <em> me</em>? How noble of you," Finn mocked him. "Do you really expect me to believe that?"</p><p>“You can use the Force and know the truth,” he responded calmly. “Go ahead.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t go into your mind if you paid me.”</p><p>The knight’s mouth twitched in irritation and he contemplated for a moment. “Do you really have time for this? Those villagers are still alive.”</p><p>He knew it was a trick, it had to be, but if it was, why didn't he sense it? His mind has been deceiving on him all week...<em>he knew it wasn't true because it couldn't be</em>, but still, the question came out softer than he intended: “What?”</p><p>“They’re in a facility, just west of the town," he reported. Finn couldn't help but notice the lack of urgency in his voice. "Around 150 people.”</p><p>“Why though?” Finn’s grip of the blaster threatened to weaken. <em> They’re alive </em>…he thought of the Hosnian system with grief. After he’d heard the number of deaths, Finn couldn’t stomach any more innocent lives lost. They were dragged into a war they weren’t even fighting, made an example of without any good reason. <em>There were no good reasons</em>. “He said he killed them.”</p><p>“He said what he had to say to get a rise out of you,” he replied. There was something gentle under the knight's monotone. Finn ignored it; he must be imagining things. “He was out of his mind, but the remnants of a clever man survived.”</p><p>Finn readjusted the blaster grip. <em> He couldn’t stomach anymore good people dying but Kylo Ren isn't good. He wasn't good but...</em>the thought trailed off into dissolution and he shook his head. “And you say you were coming to save me?”</p><p>“You wouldn’t even be <em> alive </em> right now if it weren’t for me,” Kylo's voice rose in irritation. “He would have tortured you and killed you if I hadn’t convinced him that reconditioning would be a more humiliating punishment.”</p><p>“When did you join up with him?” Finn bit his lip. They hadn’t been apart once since they crash landed. The only time was when they split up in town and that had only been for less than two standard hours. “When did you decide you were going to…”</p><p>Finn trailed off. <em> When did you decide you were going to betray me? </em> He bit his tongue now. A betrayal implies they were allies to begin with. What Kylo had done was par for the course, he thought. <em> Kriff, I really trusted him</em>. He almost wanted to laugh; he deserved what he'd gotten. </p><p>“We were being monitored in town, visually and audibly,” he explained when it was clear that Finn would not speak soon. “That Hux acolyte appeared from a passage in the Cantina about half a standard hour after you left. He caught me off guard and I would have killed him but I saw his First Order uniform. I saw his mind and what he planned. What he'd already done.”</p><p>“Again, you expect me to believe this?”</p><p>“You’re alive, aren’t you?”</p><p>Finn’s mouth twitched in annoyance. There was a ringing in his ears that made it hard to concentrate and he couldn’t argue. He <em>was</em> alive and Kylo had had the chance to kill him in that cell. “Okay, then, <em>why</em>? Why do you want to save me? You could have left me for dead.”</p><p>“I could have,” the knight acknowledged, staring straight ahead of him. A moment later, he shifted his head until the blaster pointed between his eyes and he could stare the younger man in the eye. They were dark pools, deep and intense, staring straight into his soul, and Finn desperately wanted to reach out to understand the depth displayed in them. “I didn’t.”</p><p>“I don’t get it,” was all Finn could offer.</p><p>It was intolerable now, the bells ringing in his ears.</p><p>
  <em>He wouldn't listen to the Force. It was lying; it was saying that Kylo Ren was telling the truth. </em>
</p><p>“Would you have rather died?” </p><p>He can barely hear over the sirens and the high-pitched whine in his ear. For the first time since they'd brought him down here, he was uncomfortably warm. </p><p>“No,” Finn lowered the blaster finally. Reluctantly, he asked: “How’s the arm?”</p><p>“You don’t need to concern yourself with it. It'll be fine,” Kylo lifted himself upright again now. He stared at the bloody patch on his shirt, unimpressed. “Your aim is terrible.”</p><p>“No,” his mouth curved in displeasure at the insult. He motioned to the wound specifically, leaning in close to examine. “That’s exactly where I was aiming. Should be a 4 centimetre wound and I'd say by the looks of it, there is one, right there.”</p><p>The older man's mouth was a tight line. “A lucky shot.” </p><p>Finn held the blaster up as a warning, closing the distance between them. “Wanna test your little theory?” </p><p>“I'd think you’d be a bit more grateful," Kylo faced the younger man so they were now toe-to-toe. He towered over him but Finn didn't flinch. </p><p>“<em>Grateful</em>?" he scoffed. "You just helped someone beat and imprison me. You want me to be <em>thankful </em>for that?” Incredulity, hostility and exasperation fought for dominance in his tone. “Besides, you took your sweet time getting here. What did you do, take the scenic route to doing the right thing? It's been at least four days. And you know, <em>by then</em>, I was <em>certain</em> my knight-in-shining-armor wasn't coming, so I knew I had to get <em>myself</em> out of there. Which I did, I might add!”</p><p>Kylo let out a heavy exhale, dripping with restrained violence. His hands were balled into tight fists and his expression was strained and unpleasant. “Fine!” he barked after a moment, loud enough to startle the younger man. “I apologize! Is <em>that</em> what you want to hear, 'trooper?”</p><p>Finn's anger escaped him like pressurized air. It wasn’t a concept he thought the knight was familiar with. “You <em> what</em>?”</p><p>“You heard me the first time,” Kylo replied in a low growl. He stared at a spot just above the younger man’s eyes rather than directly in them; his face souring at each second of silence that passed. “Now, will <em>finally</em> you shut up?”</p><p>“Yeah, I heard you the first time,” The corner of the younger man’s mouth almost tugged upward in disbelief. “I just wanted to hear you say it again.”</p><p>“Wipe that pathetic smirk off your face,” the other man snarled. “I know that must be your first taste of what power feels like, but it’ll be short-lived if you try that again.”</p><p>Kylo had fire in his eyes and Finn could tell he was ready for a fight, if there needed to be one. <em>Tired.</em> He was so tired. All those days he'd walked with a crushing weight on his back — the knight's health, the supplies, and Poe, kriff, he missed Poe so much... —  with no food and barely any water; weak, beaten, his body driven far beyond its resources, surviving only because that's all he knew how to do. He was in the last stages of exhaustion and he was angry with himself for not seeing it sooner. He couldn't handle any physical or mental warfare now. Instead of responding, he sighed, looked away from the knight, and examined the empty hallways around them. The sirens screeched, their flashing red lights still bouncing off the walls. There were no guards approaching and Finn wondered if there even were any more beyond the two he’d taken out. </p><p>“Listen, Ren, if we're going to be stuck together any longer, it's about time we develop a better style of communication.” </p><p>Kylo was quiet for a beat before he asked: “Such as?”</p><p>“Such as if you have any more brilliant plans going forward, give me a heads up before knocking me out and throwing me in some dank cell.”</p><p>Finn thinks it must be an illusion caused by lights and stars in his eyes because momentarily, he thought he saw the faintest trace of mirth on the knight's face.</p><p>“Fine,” the other man begrudged, now completely impassive. Finn didn't know if he meant it, but he figured it couldn’t hurt to get the knight to actually agree to something. A beat passed before Kylo glanced down the hallway to their left. “There are still guards monitoring the facility where the villagers are being held.” </p><p>
  <em> The villagers.  </em>
</p><p>“How do you know?”</p><p>“His mind was in disarray but it was easy to find out what I wanted to know.”</p><p>“You keep using past tense,” Finn said as they made their way down the hall. A question crept into his next statement. “And there are no guards.”</p><p> “I took care of it,” Kylo’s face was hard and cryptic. “You would have only gotten in the way.”</p><p>“So you killed them,” Finn stated flatly. He had no right to judge: he’d just taken out a guard and left another stranded. He wouldn’t ask the knight how many bodies are littered around the compound. “Why are the people still alive? What’s the point of clearing the town?”</p><p>“He wanted to create his own stormtrooper program. With adults,” Kylo replied with a note of derision. “He almost makes you miss Hux.”</p><p>Finn paused for a moment at the frank discussion of his former general. He had no clue that they didn’t get along - it was common knowledge that Phasma, Hux and Kylo Ren controlled many of the immediate aspects of the First Order on behalf of the Supreme Leader. It was odd to him that the older man disliked Hux so much; it didn't make any sense. They worked so closely together, both pushing the First Order agenda, tirelessly. It was Hux, Intelligence had reported, that had saved Kylo Ren from the imploding planet after Starkiller. It would figure: Hux saved his life, and he hated him. <em>Maybe Finn's making another mistake right now... </em></p><p>They reached the surface level and the searing sun burned Finn’s eyes. The knight pointed silently, to the west, as if to tell the younger man to follow. <em> Why was Kylo Ren helping him save the villagers? </em> The knight hadn’t protested; he led the way. <em>Why was Kylo Ren helping him? </em> Silently, the older man covered his eyes to protect against swept up sand; he seemed determined. <em> Why had Kylo Ren come to save him? </em></p><p>he was brought back to reality by Kylo's outstretched forearm ramming into his chest, stopping him from approaching any closer to the structure.</p><p>“Stay here,” Kylo’s voice was low as his eyes narrowed in on the jailhouse in the distance. </p><p>“Wait, Ren!” Finn whispered harshly as the other man took several confident steps toward the building. </p><p>Before Finn could stop him, he heard the first scream from the guard. <em>Kriff! </em>The younger man cursed. He forced his legs to move, one step at a time, feet dragging and threatening to crumbled beneath him. <em>If he went on some bloody rampage, h</em><em>e wasn’t sure that Kylo would spare the villagers.</em> The scar on his back seemed to scream out it’s agreement; it knew the knight’s reckless brutality. He'd just killed a group of guards — and for what? The knight could have escaped without Finn. Could have used a mind trick. He didn’t have to kill. He could feel it even before he became aware of the Force: it was an anger that radiated off the knight and it hit him like waves beating against a shore at all times.  </p><p><em>Most of the time</em>, he corrected himself. Sometimes it flickered away. He still wasn’t good at reading discordant emotions but there are times when Finn thinks it’s not anger. <em>Sometimes</em> he thinks it might be agony; a conflict raging within between anger and forgiveness. It was all vague, and Finn felt his head go light as another piercing scream tore his ear drum. </p><p>He could hear the increasing clamor from the structure: <em>Fear, fear, fear, worry, what we next what’s going on oh Force they’re going to kill us </em> —- </p><p>“Ren!” </p><p>Finn shouted, so loud that he felt like it would rip his own vocal chords. He ran to where the last scream — the last of the guards — had come from, behind the structure and obscured from his immediate vision. He passed by the bodies that guarded the front entrance but he didn’t care. He didn’t care about the guards.</p><p>He remembered Jakku. He remembered the villagers. </p><p>
  <em>He remembered who gave the order. </em>
</p><p>The thoughts of the people in the building kept racing through his mind: <em> another voice how many are there so loud I’m scared why did we have to be born here I don’t want to die — </em></p><p>Kylo’s back was turned to him, dirt peppering his uniform, his hair tumbling over his shoulders in a mass of tangles. The body of the last guard laid at his feet, blue with cyanosis, eyes wide open and staring, body twisted in that final struggle, the final bit of life escaping him. Finn's breath was short from overworking his already frail body and words failed him. “You can release them,” the older man said, icy, without turning around. “There’s no one left.”</p><p>Finn swallowed the nervous saliva that had built and stood for what felt like an eternity. Eventually, he nodded, a gesture the knight couldn’t see but the younger man knew he could sense it. There was only one entrance to the structure. They had no real chance of escape before now. They'd saved them. <em>They were frightened and confused</em>. They were locked in there like animals. <em>Desperate to be free, scared to die.</em> The thought galvanized him and he rushed to the door. </p><p>
  <em>Kylo Ren had saved them.</em>
</p><p>As he opened it, light streamed in and the people shielded their eyes. That same light seemed to guide him. It was crowded and hot and noisy, the air full of the smell of too many people crowded too closely together. It renewed the younger man's earlier nausea and all of their emotions bombarded him at once as a low murmur erupted. Finn felt his step falter as he approached the first of the cells. Curiosity and caution penetrated the atmosphere like noxious gas. Slow and silently, he blew the locks off the cramped cell doors and the people cried around him, some still frightened, others understanding they were saved. Briefly, a memory of his childhood flashed through his mind. <em>A group of children, a small room, shoulder-to-shoulder, cold, wet, hungry...</em>he heard a child crying but he couldn’t tell if it was a memory or real life. </p><p>He could only focus on the heavy thump of locks falling to the floor and as the frenzied stream of people pushed past him, his own body fell heavily beside their chains. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>WOW. This is probably the longest chapter I've written of any series! Comments really do motivate me, lol. Thank you, I've been having so much fun with it! &lt;3 I've also wrote a whole other chapter for something I'd outlined for later so the creative juices really flowed...!!! Just really excited for myself, ahh!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Fragile</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He’d fainted.</p><p>He was somewhere warm. It didn’t smell like medbay though, it was something unknown to him but familiar, like the base on D’Qar.<em> Like home. </em> There was something soft under his head, a pillow. A bed, soft, even softer than the one at the little house, and there were sheets smoother than the utility blankets he’d gotten used to since the crash. (<em>The children...he’d said he’d be back…) </em> He was in pain, but it was dull, the kind of pain that came from stiffness and soreness of time beyond anything else. <em> How long had he been here? </em></p><p>The next thing he was conscious of after that was a man’s voice, a touch on his cheek. </p><p>He came to with a surge of adrenaline, jerking upwards, grabbing hold of what he found before the dizziness and pain sent him flailing back to the bed. Instincts were there before rationality, telling him that the man wasn’t a threat. But where was he? It was light, daylight, streaming in through a window directly to his left. There’s another voice now, a woman’s. Is she crying? Was she crying for him? This isn’t a medbay. He’s fine. He’s just exhausted, his eyes won’t open; she doesn’t need to cry. He’s fine but where was he?<em> (The villagers...he had to get them out, had to make sure they were safe…</em>)</p><p>His world was a blur, but he was aware of the man, his hands on his body, large and rough but gentle. He smelled like a standard-issue soap, and it reminded Finn of his days in the barracks. He could sense safety, even while his nerves jangled relentlessly at him that he was in danger. He slipped away again, woke up again long enough to hear the even breaths of someone sleeping nearby. It’s the man; always there, always watching. Rough hands parting his lips, holding his chin, stream of liquid falling down and hitting his chest. He was warm now, comfortable. He could feel the man holding him again before he lost himself once more.</p><p>When he awoke next, he drew in a deep breath and for the first time, he had the strength to assess his surroundings. He couldn’t see anything clearly through the jazzy fluorescent lights in his eyes. </p><p>But the man was there. He was always there; comforting, warm, always watching...</p>
<hr/><p>Finn stirred and the knight startled.</p><p>The younger man attempted to stretch, his eyes still shut tightly, but pain must have gripped him as he groaned and recoiled. It was the first sign of life from the Resistance fighter in two weeks beyond the rise and fall of his chest. Finn's eyes shut tightly in the agony before they finally peeled open slowly. Kylo remained still at his bedside, waiting for him to examine his surroundings and discover where he was. The Resistance fighter’s eyes roamed aimlessly around the ceiling before he turned his head. Finn stared squarely at Kylo but didn't acknowledge his presence, not even by so much as an eyelash flicker. There was a dazed look in his eye, as if he recognized there was someone there but couldn’t quite process it. </p><p>"FN-2187," Kylo tried. There was no response to the name. He repeated the designation and this time, there was a small reaction. The younger man’s eyes narrowed, his countenance contorting in confusion, but there was no recognition, only confusion. </p><p>Kylo scanned the features of the younger man’s face - he’d only seen them without hostility in his nightmares. The face now was so open. <em> It was beautiful. </em> The knight jolted at the thought. <em> It wasn’t his. </em> He knew it was the pilot’s but it was as if it were his own mind...</p><p>“FN-2187,” he said a third time. This time Finn stared into the older man’s eyes, the same confused and dazed look accenting all his features. Kylo’s heart skipped a beat, like the world would implode, as he said the name: “Finn.”</p><p>The confusion dissipated and the younger man’s face broke out into a sloppy, easy smile. There was recognition. </p><p>Kylo wanted to reach into the younger man’s mind but he knew it was weak. He knew the younger man wouldn’t like it and he would reject the presence with every last ounce of strength he had. The knight leaned back in his chair, observing Finn’s unfocused stare. The younger man understood vaguely what was being said, that much is certain, but it was as if he couldn’t internalize it. He was running on instinct.</p><p>The knight knew how it felt. </p><p>"Come with me," Kylo said as he rose.</p><p>Finn’s eyes followed as the other man’s figure stretched out into his full gangling height. For a pause, there was nothing but then Finn began to lift himself, piece by piece, his body swaying freely. Kylo reached out and steadied him and his patient registered the contact. His gaze shifted to the hand that held firmly to his arm, pulling as he lifted himself. He got to his feet but his balance betrayed him. The knight snaked his arm around the younger man and the action felt familiar to both of them. Those days where they walked for hours in silence through the desert seemed distant now but Finn clutched instinctively, as if they were still being beaten down by granules and dust. </p><p>Kylo led him to the fresher, just a few feet away, and sat the younger man down on the chair in the steamer. “You need to shower,” the knight commanded. “Can you undress?”</p><p>Finn shut his eyes tightly, the strain from that little movement having drained him. His head moved back and forth, threatening to drop or fall back at any moment.</p><p>He couldn’t do it himself. </p><p>Kylo hesitated before he reached for the first button of the night shirt. He'd taken off his own night shirt but it was as if it was suddenly the first time; the next button came undone by itself and soon, Finn’s chest and stomach were exposed to the cool air of the fresher. Kylo’s stomach clenched as his fingers brushed against the warm skin of Finn’s shoulders, navigating the shirt off slowly. The night shirt came off the younger man smoothly, exposing him fully. It was still pinned to the back of the chair by the weight of its owner but Finn shivered without it's full protection. The muscles on Finn's chest constricted tightly, dancing as he groaned against the temperature, and the knight again hesitated. Kylo swallowed hard. It had been a long time since he had been this close to another body outside of combat.</p><p>Now, the pants. </p><p>The knight would need the cooperation of the younger man but even with Finn's ability to move, getting the shirt off was not a straightforward task. <em> How had he done this for him all those days they were stuck in the cave? </em>Kylo reached for the hem of the pants and underwear together then tugged downward as far as he could; they caught where Finn’s weight rested most heavily. The knight tapped the younger man’s left hip. “Lift,” he said, his voice booming and unsettling, even to him, in the intense silence. Finn shifted his pelvis upward in a slow, uncoordinated motion. He hissed as he lowered it back onto the chair but Kylo didn’t know if it was from pain or the cold surface of the seat. Finn sat on the bunch of fabric, pinning it down until the knight could pull both sides down in one swift motion. </p><p>Kylo averted his eyes, concentrating only on his hands. On the sink. On the tiles on the floor. On anything that wasn’t the younger man’s body in front of him. The question rang out in his head: <em> Had he done this for him, too? </em></p><p>The knight tapped the other side and repeated. “Lift.”</p><p>The pants pooled at the younger man’s feet. Kylo’s eyes were trained on the younger man’s eyes. He took a deep, unsteady breath before moving out of the steamer. "Take a shower." </p><p>He stared at Finn, who bobbed his head up and down, either in exhaustion or acknowledgement. Kylo drew his mouth back, unsure. He shifted to help the younger man up from the chair. The sensation of the naked body pressed against him caused a shiver. He ignored it, steeling himself as he tested the younger man’s ability to stand on his own. There was too much of a wobble and the knight’s jaw tensed in frustration. </p><p>Without option, he held the younger with one arm and turned on the stream with the other. </p><p>Dew droplets formed on Finn’s face and the sensation seemed to spark a level of new awareness. The knight could sense panic, adrenaline pumping through veins too exhausted to deliver it. The steam clouded the visibility in the fresher, even with the door open, and the knight closed his eyes and reached out to the younger man. He settled on the edge of his consciousness, sent him images of the fresher, of steam from the faucet, of the banality of the situation. The younger man leaned against the knight, putting more of his weight on him. The stream must be making him light-headed, the knight concluded as he shut off the stream. </p><p>It was when he went to dry him off that he noticed the scar.</p><p>It spanned the diagonal length of his back, knotted and slightly raised. It stood out starkly against the umber skin, a shadowed pink hue broken up by patches of cream. The battle of Takodana flashed through his head, his saber red and angry making contact with the younger man’s back. He heard the ‘trooper’s harrowing scream again. The scream of 30 padawan rippled on it’s trail. </p><p>He reached out and softly felt the twisted skin but drew away quickly at the first bump. The wound had healed, his anger from that day dissipated, but this wound remained forever.</p><p>He dried Finn off with a spare blanket, wrapping his body in the sheet that was now soaked through. His own clothes dripped onto the floor as he haphazardly used his free arm to put a new night shirt on the younger man. He got the sleeves on and resolved to button it after he lay the man down again. "Get in bed," he said wearily and Finn cooperated as the knight eased him down. </p><p>Finn lay on his back and stared at the ceiling. Kylo found the new set of pants and underwear and quickly, his eyes always trained just above the sight of the body he didn’t want to see. The underwear and pants slid up cleanly and this time, one leg then the other, then hoisted up together. He found that he was able to ease them past the younger man’s hips without his help this time. </p><p>Warmth radiated off the younger man’s skin and there was a tight constriction in his chest as his fingers worked their way up the buttons of Finn’s night shirt. </p><p>
  <em> Had he done this for him, too? </em>
</p><p>Kylo drew the covers up over him and watched Finn’s eyes close. Within a minute, he was breathing deeply and evenly.</p><p>The knight drifted to his own cot, stripping out of the wet clothes and throwing them into a pile in the corner of the room. They’d received a mix of clothes from the townspeople and the knight attempted to find another pair that would match his height. Unsatisfied with the fit but too exhausted to do anything, he lied down on his back and stared at the ceiling as Finn had done when he first woke. </p><p>
  <em> Had he done all that for him, too? </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>When sleep came, he was plagued by the pilot. Each night he tried desperately to reject the presence as it bombarded against the fortitude areas of his mind like waves against jagged rocks, but one after the other, the violent surges eroded his resolution. Suddenly, he was drowning; lungs filling with water, gargling, pockets of air mindlessly swimming about as his arms flailed for something to reach. Then, as sudden as he’d drowned, he was dry and empty. Hollow and tossed like a doll to the black abyss beneath him. He braced himself to fall but instead he landed against a floor as hard and cold as frozen durasteel. </p><p>“<em>You</em>!” Poe spat with acid. His outstretched finger held a million accusations as he closed the distance between them. “What is your deal? You could see he wasn’t okay and you still let him rot in that cell for a week!”</p><p>There was violence in each step and Kylo knew he should dodge before the other man got too close. “He’s okay now.”</p><p>“Okay?” the pilot’s furrowed eyebrow knotted even deeper, his step faltering. “He’s out cold!” He cursed under his breath, restrained frustration causing his eyes to mist. He shook his head a beat later, focusing on the darkness beneath their feet as he muttered to himself. “Again...dammit.”</p><p>“He’ll be fine.”</p><p>“It’s not about that!” Poe shouted. “You sat there and let him sit in that cell. You were conflicted about saving him after everything he’s done for you. He didn’t think twice about helping you; he’s never thought twice about doing the right thing but sometimes I wish he would. Sometimes I wish he could just be a jerk.”</p><p>The corner of the knight’s mouth twitched. “I told him to let me die and he wouldn’t.”</p><p>That was the final straw. Poe’s fist flew through the air and a moment later, the punch landed, solid and hard. The other man stumbled backwards a few steps. The pilot threw one more punch, clipping the knight’s lower jaw. “Fight back!” Poe demanded. “Or can you not do anything without hiding behind the Force or your dumb lightsaber?”</p><p>“I told him to leave me alone,” Kylo said, touching the corner of his mouth. The taste of iron was strong in his mouth. He didn’t know he could actually be hurt in his own mind. “Is it my fault that he wouldn’t? What was I supposed to do?”</p><p>“You could have laid off him a little!” Poe shouted. “You could have tried to help him a little more. He doesn’t know when to stop worrying about others and take care of himself. He was going to get himself killed when he faced those bandits...”</p><p>Poe trailed off, a look of tired concern on his face. He was distracted and his hold on the knight’s mind weakened. Kylo could make his escape now. He could even try to vanquish the pilot at this very moment - to free himself. A shaky arm barely rose before it dropped like lead. There was something wrong with him. Maybe the pilot’s hold on his mind was stronger than he thought. Instead, his mind wandered to the hazy presence outside his mind; the only sleeping soundly in the bed across the room. </p><p>Finn’s mind was calm, and restful, and he latched onto it like a moth to a flame. He would be free from the pilot in the other man’s mind. Free from the burden of accusation and the intolerable weight on his shoulders. And just maybe the pilot’s presence would be satiated...maybe this would free him of the pilot...<em> maybe... </em></p><p>“Hey!” Poe shouted, but like the knight was submerged in that bacta tank again, his voice was muffled and distant. “Come back here!” The pilot is shouting at him but he felt himself become light, moving away from the light he emitted to a more distant, familiar darkness. </p><p>There was that figure again. That figure that reached out and offered comfort, here in the younger man’s mind. Again, they’ve returned. <em> They’ve returned to comfort him. </em> The knight took a step towards the suspended figure. <em>They came back.</em> He craved the small, anonymous touch. He was alone except for that brief period. Except for that fragile link, the minute bond, that held him over as he choked on bacta...</p><p><em> No</em>. It couldn't be. Kylo swallowed as the shadowed face grew clearer and clearer. <em> This must be a mistake. </em></p><p>It was the ‘trooper’s face.</p><p>
  <em>No.</em>
</p><p>He had to escape but where? He had to escape, before the figure -- the ‘trooper, <em> Finn </em> -- saw him. He’d already tried to take refuge here; did he know already? Where could he go? The ‘trooper’s mind was so open, maybe he could connect them while he hid. And maybe...<em>maybe this would soothe the charred ridges of the younger man’s mind.</em></p><p>
  <em>Maybe he could help him in this way... </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em> There was a voice echoing around him.  </em>
</p><p>“Where the hell did he go?” </p><p>Finn blinked open his eyes, letting a flood of light burn his eyes. He felt as if he’d been jostled out of his sleep, disoriented but wide awake, confused but alert that this wasn’t the room he was in before. </p><p>“Wait. Finn?” It was a question. A call. Familiar, honey-sweet, erratic. There was someone running towards him, a figure. It was close now, close enough to reach out. Poe...he's speaking with more urgency now, “Finn!”</p><p>Poe ran up to him and hugged him like he needed him to live. Poe was kissing him now, kissing his cheeks and his forehead and his nose and his chin and his throat, dizzy with the scent of him, the feel of him. “Finn, Finn,” Poe chanted, running his hands through his hair, across his cheeks, down his neck. Making sure he was there, in one piece, <em> alive </em>.  </p><p>“Poe?” Finn tilted his head in confusion. With a breath of relief, he wrapped his arms tight around the other man, “Kriff, Poe!”</p><p>“Are you okay?”</p><p>“I’m all here, if that’s what you mean.”</p><p>“Leave the dumb, cryptic answers to me, idiot,” Poe pressed his forehead against the younger man’s. He waited a moment before exhaling all the air he’d held in. “<em>Kriff</em>, you’re such an <em> idiot</em>.”</p><p>“Coming from you, that’s pretty insulting,” Finn laughed. He pressed their faces together, just enough for their lips to graze. Poe was shaking a little. “I didn’t know ghosts could be scared.”</p><p>“Didn’t know ghosts could exist until I died,” Poe rested his head on Finn’s shoulder and buried his face in the crook between his neck and shoulder. “I’m an idiot.”</p><p>“The truth comes out.”</p><p>“Your warped sense of humor is still intact,” he smiled against hot skin. Alive skin. “How did you manage to get another shot at making it up here?”</p><p>“I thought it was you,” Finn pulled away slightly to look into Poe’s eyes. “I didn’t do anything.”</p><p>“What?” Poe seemed equally confused. “I was talking some sense into Kylo Ren one second and then the next, you’re here.”</p><p>“If I didn’t do it, and you didn’t, then…” he trailed off. They both looked at each other in disbelief before laughing. “It couldn’t be.”</p><p>“No way,” Poe agreed. “Maybe the Force?”</p><p>“Is that how this stuff works?”</p><p>Now, Poe seemed annoyed but his features were softened with worry. “I don’t know, Big Shot, you tell me.”</p><p>“You’ve been watching everything, haven’t you?” Finn asked sheepishly as Poe’s lips formed a tight, disapproving line. “That’s why I’m an idiot, isn’t it?”</p><p>“Yes,” Poe said before lifting his head again to graze his lips against Finn’s once more. “But I’m an idiot because I told you to trust that guy.”</p><p>“He helped to save those villagers,” Finn hummed, wrapping his arms more firmly around Poe’s waist. “And he was coming to save me. You weren’t wrong.”</p><p>“You should have killed him when you had the chance.”</p><p>“Your messaging's never been consistent but this is a bit much,” He laid little butterfly kisses along Poe’s neck. “How much time do we this time?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” the older man replied. “Not enough for what you’re thinking though.”</p><p>Finn snorted. “Can you imagine if you did that fading away right in the middle?”</p><p>They laughed together softly for a moment before Poe moved to cup the younger man’s face. The stared deeply into Finn’s eyes and for a fleeting second, he forgot that Poe wasn’t alive anymore. Those rich, dark eyes seemed so full of life, of love, of concern, hope, exhaustion. They were the eyes of a man who was still here. “We can’t keep doing this though.”</p><p>Finn knew what he meant but he shook his head with a shrug anyways. “I don’t see the problem.”</p><p>The pilot gave a wistful smile. “I like this too much.”</p><p>“Me, too,” Finn hummed as he laid a kiss against Poe’s forehead. “So there’s no problem.”</p><p>“I’m dead, Finn,” Poe swallowed. It was the first time he’d admitted it to himself. “And you’re alive and you’ve got to keep your mind on living, not on me.”</p><p>It was the truth: “I don’t care.”</p><p>“You’ll always be stuck with me around.” Poe inhaled and exhaled, a shaky breath caught on his lips. “I wanted to protect you.”</p><p>“Just being here, knowing you’re here,” There was a lump in Finn’s throat as tears welled. He blinked to force them back in. His voice came out steady but strained. “That’s enough.”</p><p>“I don’t know who’s holding on tighter - me or you,” he chuckled softly. “I punched Kylo Ren a few times.”</p><p>“Good,” Finn replied. <em> He’s still here, he's still here, keep talking… </em></p><p>Poe titled his head back and smiled so brilliantly that Finn didn’t notice the ever increasing light around them. “Give him another couple of punches for me, okay?”</p><p>“Poe?” </p><p>Finn repeated the name, again and again, louder and louder, as he was blinded by the light. <em> No, no, please... </em>he began that slow fading dance and Finn could feel the trillions of bits and pieces, molecules, thoughts, feelings, that made up Poe Dameron between his fingers, above his head, swirling around him. On his lip were still his lips, firm and clinging onto life — onto Finn — until the last second until there was only cold air whispering where hot flesh had been. </p><p>
  <em> He was gone. </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>The next morning, he noticed that Finn had moved in the night. Instead of supine, he lay curled in on himself, back to the door and the cot. The movement was a sign that the younger man wasn’t in great pain or it would have woken him up in the night to bend like that. The knight lay on the cot to watch him. The routine would continue again today. Images from the fresher flashed through his mind, and although he’d looked away, he recalled the taut muscle of the younger man’s chest. The warm, naked skin against his sodden clothing, pressing against him for support. </p><p>Kylo rose abruptly and the images were tousled out of his head with the movement. He would go and examine the A-Wing. If it was operational, it would be their chance off the planet. <em> Their chance</em>. <em> No</em>. The knight could leave on his own. He could kill the ‘trooper now. Why had he even gone through these motions the last two weeks? Why didn’t he finish him off at the compound? Why —</p><p>He would go and inspect the A-Wing. </p><p>It was in better shape than many other ships of its era. The old man who'd offered it to Kylo as a token of gratitude had thought it was junk though and he may not have been completely wrong. The knight entered the cockpit and attempted to start the ship but as expected, it was non-responsive. The joystick was loose, as well, and would need to be replaced. He hopped out and located the power generator, shield generator and thrust engine. The shield generator was shot, and if they wanted to break the atmosphere with the ion disruption, they’d need the shields at full power. The power generator was salvageable but it’d needed a significant amount of repair. The thrust engine would probably be fine, but it wouldn’t hurt to replace the coils. </p><p>The knight hesitated as he tinkered with the wires and metal makings of the ship. It had been a long time since he’d handled a ship like this. His throat closed as images of Han Solo flashed through his mind.<em> He’d died trying to save him. </em></p><p>A weary face, tired and damaged, replaced the image of his father. The ‘trooper. </p><p><em> Finn</em>. </p><p>Kylo’s hands balled into tight fists and he slammed down hard against the A-Wing’s hull. Again and again and again and again, until his fists bled, staining his skin and the ship beneath him. He breathed out heavily, eyes watery, and slammed his fist against the hull once more, this time breaking through. The jagged edges of the new hole cut him deeper as he retracted his hand and he focused on the pain. It was a comforting feeling, familiar. He could draw on this like he drew on his anger. </p><p>But he felt empty. He yearned for Snoke’s guidance. Why hadn’t he been able to complete his training? He couldn’t reach out to his teacher, not now. </p><p>He was alone again. </p><p>
  <em> Finn.  </em>
</p><p>The knight stared impassively at his bleeding fist. The coolness of the air ran across it, easing the searing heat. The ‘trooper would be thirsty by now, and he would have to dissolve the nutrient powder in the liquid. The knight grabbed an oily rag and wiped away the excess blood. It stung.</p><p>This is what he deserves. </p><p>Kylo’s slow steps caused the floorboard of the old inn to creak. The woman at the front desk had smiled profusely and badgered him upon entry: <em> Is there anything you want? How is Finn? Do you need bacta? More clothes? Fresh sheets? What happened to your hand? Wait here, I’ll get the medkit — hey, where are you going! Your hand! </em> He wore his usual scowl. Why does she care? <em> I’ve already saved your life, what else do you think you will get from me? </em></p><p>A pang of shame hit him. Gratefulness and generosity emanated from the woman. Concern for Finn. Concern for his hand. </p><p>
  <em> Why did they care so much? </em>
</p><p>He turned into the small room they shared and his eyes widened slightly at the sight. Finn sat up in the bed. His attention turned to the doorway, a hazy look still in his eye as they settled on Kylo. </p><p>This time there was recognition in them. </p><p>“I want a new doctor,” he said with a faint, wistful smile. The younger man noticed the poorly cleaned fist and chuckled softly. “The one I have now sucks.”</p><p>The knight swallowed before stepping into the room, composed. “There’s an old A-Wing in town. The owner was more than willing to offload it,” he said, handing the glass of water to Finn. The arm that reached out for it shook violently and Kylo grabbed the younger man’s wrist, stopping the motion. He forced it back down and brought the glass to Finn’s lips. He drank without being told. “It’s the kind they used during the Rebellion. Junk.”</p><p>Finn swallowed loudly, the muscles in his throat attempting to reject every drop. “Poe said those older models are better than some of the high-tech stuff they put out now.”</p><p>“He doesn’t know what he was talking about,” the other man scoffed with contempt.</p><p>“I think the best damn pilot in the Resistance knows what he’s talking about,” Finn matched his tone. Then, he laughed. It hurt his ribs but it felt good anyways. Finn stared down at his own hands in his laps with tragic eyes, “Why don’t you try to ask him yourself?”</p><p>The knight frowned. “It’s junk,” he repeated harshly.</p><p>“That’s what Rey said about the <em>Millennium Falcon </em> and look what that thing can do,” he leaned back against the headboard. His eyes didn’t want to stay open anymore and he succumbed to the darkness. “Maybe it’ll surprise you. Looks can be deceiving.”</p><p>“Can you eat?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Finn nodded and took a shaky breath. He winced a bit. He was still in pain. “Where are we?”</p><p>“The town's inn,” Kylo said as he placed the cup down on the small table beside the bed. “The villagers wanted to show their appreciation for being saved. It seems like captivity has calmed them down.”</p><p>Finn nodded and hummed. <em>So they were still in the town</em>. Flashes of memories came through as he asked:“There was someone crying. I heard them.”</p><p>“The girl.”</p><p>“Did you let her know?” Finn smiled. He was tired. He wondered if Poe knew that Kylo'd done that. “You should have waited until I was awake, you know? Now she's worried for no reason. I'm fine.”</p><p>“Word travels fast around here,” the knight offered in response. </p><p>Finn hummed and nodded. His vision wasn't very clear still and he was still a little tired. <em>Maybe he wasn't thinking clearly...</em>After a moment of silence, he spoke again, “Hey, Kylo?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“It was you, wasn't it?” he said quietly. The younger man chuckled softly before he could reply, “Thanks.”</p><p>Kylo continued to frown even though the younger man couldn’t see him. He’d let him drift off to sleep; the younger man’s voice was still groggy and the edges of his words had a slur to them. </p><p>It tugged at him again, this time hard and fast. <em> The guilt</em>. What the pilot said was true, the younger man’s condition was his fault. But hadn’t he wished from the beginning for the ‘trooper to die? When he entered the cell at the compound, he’d almost faltered. He saw the stare filled with betrayal. He had felt the disappointment. Disappointment in him. <em> Betrayal</em>. In spite of it all, the ‘trooper had trusted him. <em> How idiotic</em>...the knight thought. He had no reason to trust him. He had set himself up for that ambush. </p><p>Then when he came to rescue — <em> no </em>, not rescue, he merely needed the ‘trooper for...what did he need the ‘trooper for? Why had he gone back? There was something clawing within him now and it was like his insides were being torn apart. </p><p>The <em> light</em>, festering like pus from a wound, ravaged him. <em> Guilt, sympathy, remorse</em>. </p><p>The younger man had cared for him even when hate wreaked havoc in his mind. The waves of contempt and hate had battered the knight since he was unconscious but still he felt those gentle hands on him as they brought water to his lips. As they dressed his wounds. As they adjusted him and examined. Even before he knew the pilot lived within him, he’d been tender; warm and comforting, like the presence that had reached out to him in the bacta tank. </p><p>But why? </p><p>The knight fixed his gaze on the younger man’s face. It was obvious, from the first moment they’d met. Not on this forsaken planet, not on Zonama Sekot, not on Takodana. </p><p>On Jakku. <em> The one from the village</em>. The one that wouldn’t shoot. The one that invoked a fury in him that unleashed itself on Takodana. <em> The one from the village, FN-2187.  </em></p><p>He disobeyed his programming. He risked his life to save the pilot. He escaped without hesitation. He didn’t run despite his fear. He joined the Resistance.</p><p>He didn’t let hate consume him or rage ravage him. </p><p>The knight clenched his injured hand into a fist, the skin stretching raw again: he was filled with Light and it infuriated him.</p>
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